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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Survivor Baby: A woman called police to report that she was in possession of a lost child. She told police that her neighbor had contacted her after finding a 2-year-old child roaming the streets and the woods behind her house on an evening when the temperature dropped below 35 degrees. Show a kid one episode of Man Vs. Wild and the ideas start sinking in quick.

Blotter Mystery: A 19-year-old female called police and advised that on the previous night, she had consumed several alcoholic beverages and doesn't remember the events of the evening. Welcome to my world. I would suggest asking friends, scouring Facebook for clues and not returning to the scene; you may be banned.

Keep It Up: A 44-year-old woman called police and told them that she had been threatened by a known suspect. The suspect told the woman he was going to shoot her in the head with a gun when she went to bed. Two words: Red Bull.

Collision Course: A handicapped man reported to police that he was riding his wheelchair in the parking lot of his apartment building when a car backed up and crashed into him. The suspect then drove away after looking at him, and it was obvious that she was aware of hitting him. I've come across some cold-blooded stuff in these police reports, but this one is bad.

Wasted Time: A girl reported to police that she received three threatening text messages from a known suspect. One of the messages stated, "I am going to kill you and pay someone to jump you." This is just all mixed up. You can kill a person but not fight them? If you kill them, do you really need to waste the money to have them beat up?

Up, Down, All Around: A 24-year-old woman called police after being repeatedly harassed by three other women. The women called a total of 29 times and texted her three more times. One suspect said, "I am going to beat you down." Another stated, "I am going to fuck you up." I'm guessing the third came with something to the effect of, "I'm going to throw you from side to side."

Steaming Mad: A 27-year-old man called police after being threatened by a known suspect. When he saw the suspect, who was visibly intoxicated, he said, "I'm going to burn your house down." The men were arguing over some clothes that the victim has not given back to the suspect. Of course, the clothes are probably in the house he's going to apparently burn down.

Teen Drama: A man reported to police that his teenage daughter was threatened by her peers while she was riding in the car with him. As they were in their apartment complex parking lot, three suspects approached the car and told his 14-year-old daughter, "She needs to get her ass beat. You need to get out and get your ass beat like the little bitch you are. She needs to get popped."

Poppin' Shit: A 20-year-old filed a police report after being threatened by a known suspect. The suspect called her and stated, "Bitch, don't let me come over there and burst your face." What is she, a pimple?

I Hope Not: A 29-year-old man told police that two unknown men robbed him of his money and jacket at gunpoint while he was walking down the street. It is noted in the police report that the victim did not give anyone permission to point a gun at him and take his personal belongings. So now we know there was no role-playing involved.

Pot Fiend: A 64-year-old man filed a police report after he says four flower pots were stolen from his rear patio. Somebody issue an Amber Alert, for God's sake. Somewhere, these poor flowers are being treated like they're not even human. Probably not even being watered regularly.

That's Deep: A 45-year-old homeowner called police, stating that when some renters moved out of a house he was leasing to them, they left the water running in the upstairs bathroom. This caused the entire upstairs to flood, and then caused the entire first floor ceiling to collapse. At least you still have the driveway. Maybe a backyard.

Threat of the Week: A 33-year-old woman called police after an ex-boyfriend violated a restraining order by calling her. During this call, the man said, "What the fuck is you doing that you can't pick up the phone. I've been trying to call you and you won't pick up. You better not have no nigga over there in front of my kids. Tell me you do and I'm coming over there and if he there I'm gonna shoot the fucking house up. I'm not playing with you. I need you and you are kicking me. I'm not playing D. I'm a set it off."

Blotter items are chosen from the file of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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