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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Nice Choices: An employee of a local Target witnessed a man shoplifting and apprehended him with the help of a co-worker. When they got custody of the suspect, they found that he had shoved chocolate candy, three Kool-Aid packets, a pickle and a stick of deodorant into his pockets.

Bugging Me: A 42-year-old man called police after he was assaulted by a "friend" of his in the early morning hours. He told officers that, after an argument between the two men, the suspect hit him with a can of Raid on the head. Kills "buds" dead. Nothing good comes out of hanging out at 5 a.m.

Heated Argument: A 29-year-old woman filed a police report after she says someone threatened to damage her property. The victim got into an argument with another woman outside of her apartment building when the suspect said, "Bitch, I will set your house on fire with you and all those kids in it." Let's forget the fact that she filed a report about a threat to property. Why is this woman going to burn down the apartment complex where she lives?

Get A Life: A 49-year-old woman told police that she had received 270 harassing phone calls in one week from a former lover. She reported that the man would not say anything during these calls, but stay on the line until she hung up. Well, that's more than 38 calls per day. Even if he began with some quips, it's hard to see him keeping up any dialogue by the middle of the first day.

DD's Finish Last: A 62-year-old man woke up to find his car stolen by the very man he had tried to help the night before. The victim told police he had went to a bar and picked up his intoxicated friend, bringing him back to the victim's home. When he woke up the next morning, the suspect was gone. When he walked out to his driveway later, his car was also gone. I'm sure that car will be pulled over one of these nights.

I-Gone: A 37-year-old man filed a police report when his phone was stolen from under his nose at a local bar. The man said that he placed his Apple iPhone on the bar and looked away for a few minutes and when he turned around again it was gone. Well, you were cool for the time you had it. Obviously not smart, though.

Not So Innocent: A man called police to report that his car had been damaged. He told officers that an unknown woman attacked his car with an umbrella, breaking the rearview mirror and putting dents down the side. I had no idea Britney Spears was stopping here during her big tour.

Not Up To You: Maids at a local hotel room found a man unresponsive in his hotel room after attempting suicide. The victim, who had swallowed a number of pills and was later fine, left notes and detailed instructions telling the medics/coroner what to do with his body. Umm, I think they have it figured out – and it involves a bag.

Lead Foot: A 37-year-old man was probably relieved to hear that police had found the car he reported stolen a week earlier. Until he heard the rest of the story, that is. The car was found submerged in a lake, and when it was pulled out, a large rock was still sitting on the gas pedal. That must have been a damn big rock to stay in place during the drive in and the pull out.

Diversity: Police were called to another local Target after another man was caught shoplifting by employees. After being caught, it was found that the suspect had concealed some CDs in his sweatshirt. The artists that seemed to interest this man included Billy Idol, Bun B and Bob Dylan. I can't tell if this man has diverse tastes or is just a drug addict grabbing what he could.

political doggie doo: This item, written by columnist John Grooms, isn't really a crime, per se, but was tasteless enough to get some attention in the Blotter: "Newt Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House, recently let the world know his opinion of the news that the Obamas have a new dog. Newt's verdict? "I think that this whole thing is fairly stupid." Now, the fact that the press is jumping up and down like a Chihuahua over the Obamas' new puppy is admittedly silly, but it's the same kind of coverage they always give every White House pet. What Gingrich – and his entire, increasingly freaked out party – need to do is simply lighten up a bit. It's a new puppy, Newt. If you can't empathize with a family getting a new dog, well, that's pretty low."

Threat of the Week: A 20-year-old woman told police that her ex-boyfriend has called her 100 times in order to harass her and communicate threats. During the last call the suspect told her, "I gave you AIDS and you are going to die." She told police she feels very threatened by the person because he won't stop contacting her. Well, I would tell you to change your number, but it sounds like the damage has been done.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Meckleburg Police Department.

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