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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Proud Parent: A 25-year-old man called police after he witnessed someone stealing things from his car. The car was sitting on the side of I-485 due to engine problems when a man leaned into the open driver's side window and grabbed a catalytic converter, a CD player and a yellow gold chain with a "No. 1 Mom" pendant. Some woman is wearing that right now thinking she raised a nice young man.

Bird-Brained: A 50-year-old man filed a police report after an apparently desperate man stole any and everything from the victim's front yard that could fit into a car. The suspect took an eight-foot fountain, a Jacuzzi pump, a 60-watt controller, a filtration system and a five-foot marble birdbath. The suspect(s) also drilled a hole into the victim's garage door, just for good measure.

Mom Comes First: The loss prevention officer at a local Wal-Mart stopped a woman from exiting the store without paying for the items she had stuffed in her purse. When police arrived, they found the woman to be in possession of a stolen Mother's Day card, flowers, baby powder and lotion. (Because you just can't be ashy when you're going to give your mom her presents.)

Poor Guy: A 19-year-old man was robbed at gunpoint by three men he didn't know while walking in his neighborhood. The suspects took his cell phone and the $1 he had on him. Imagine that. You're walking down the street, the economy is hurting you, but at least you can afford a double cheeseburger. Then this happens. The suspects were found a short time later ... probably arguing over who gets the dollar.

Psychotic: A 43-year-old man finally filed a police report after he said he had been harassed by a woman for the last three weeks. The suspect calls him 25 times a day, threatening to burn down his house and telling him she will have her brother jump him when they see each other. Some women just have a crazy way of showing you how much they love you.

Snip Snip: Police responded to a stabbing call at a local neighborhood and arrived to find a 33-year-old man with a pair of scissors sticking out of his leg. He also had other wounds to his upper body from the same school tool/weapon and was taken to the hospital with serious injuries. It must have taken either a very strong or a very angry person to do this to another person.

Gotta Eat: A man was arrested at a local CVS store concealing a long list of food items as he prepared to make a break for it. The man was caught with two sausage and egg sandwiches, two cans of sardines, a Hershey Cookies and Cream candy bar, a Kit-Kat bar and a stick of lip balm. Are the sardines really necessary? You're grabbing food for free, or so you think, and you get sardines?

Just Random: A man was arrested at a local Wal-Mart after trying to pass the point of sale with a shopping cart full of items that I suppose any person would steal if they couldn't afford it. These items included a stack of greeting cards, shoe-care products, a bracelet, batteries and a karaoke machine. Of course, you have to steal batteries. How else are you going to put the karaoke machine to good use?

Timber!: A 45-year-old man called police when he awoke to find that unknown suspects had cut down a crabapple tree in his front yard. He said he doesn't know of anyone who would want to do this to him. I would start by questioning George Washington. If he knows who did, he'll fess up.

Tailgating: A 42-year-old woman called police to report a piece of her car was missing and had been taken from her driveway as she slept overnight. She woke up that day to find the tailgate of her truck removed. No damage was done and the tailgate looks to have been removed professionally. Someone is driving around in a blue Ford truck somewhere with a nice green Chevrolet tailgate.

Scoring Big: Two suspects were arrested at a local Food Lion after trying to grab as much glue as they could and run out of the store. I wonder how these people see a school supply aisle. I see Elmer's glue and have horrible memories of elementary school projects that wouldn't stay together. They see it and think of their first wife, who ate and sniffed so much she walked right into traffic.

Threat of the Week: An 18-year-old man filed a complaint with police after receiving an interesting threat from a suspect who came to his house to set some rules for their friendship. The suspect stated, "You and your white trash family leave me alone and stay off my fucking MySpace before something bad happens to y'all motherfuckers." OK, see you on Facebook!

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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