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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Shoot 'Em Up: A 54-year-old man told police that when he returned home from a trip on July 6, he found a bullet lying on his living room floor. There was also damage done to his roof and ceiling. He told officers the bullet probably came from when everyone was shooting guns off on the Fourth of July.

Swing and Miss: A 73-year-old man alerted the security guards at a local hospital when he realized that someone had stolen something from his grandson. He said that someone had snuck into the child's room in the cancer ward and stolen a plastic baseball bat that had been given to him as a gift from another relative. I seriously hope that this bat was stolen by another cancer-stricken child who didn't really know better, or the karma police are really gearing up right now.

Find That Boy: A 49-year-old woman filed a police report after being threatened by a known suspect multiple times. The woman told police another woman called her last month and said, "If I find out where you live, I'll burn your house down." She then came to the victim's work three days later and said, "If you don't bring my grandson back I'm gonna shoot your ass." And then a couple of weeks later, at the courthouse of all places, she said "If I don't get my grandson back, I'll beat your ass." If you don't have that kid, you better find him and give him back!

Inconspicuous: Police were called to the building site of a new Charlotte-Mecklenburg middle school after a couple of small things were stolen. Workers told officers that when they arrived at the work site one morning, a 48-foot trailer and a $75,000 serving line for the school's cafeteria were missing. There are no seniors yet to prank the school and no rivals yet to hate the school, so I'd say the suspects are probably the usual bunch: crackheads. Just now they're crackheads with $100,000 worth of humongous equipment to get rid of.

Nerd Criminal: Employees at a local Wal-Mart called police after catching a man shoplifting. They told officers the "grown man" stuck $30 worth of Yu-Gi-Oh playing cards in his pocket and attempted to walk out of the store before being confronted. "So what did you get busted for, man? Assault? Robbery? Murder?" "No, I just needed that new Pikachu."

Seeing Problems: A 46-year-old woman called police after being threatened in a grocery store. She told officers that she was shopping and minding her own business when a woman whom she had never seen before approached her and stated, "If you don't pay me for my glasses, I will cut you up. I am going to beat your ass." I wonder if the woman brought the suspect to the nearest eye doctor and bought her some glasses, she would look at the victim and say, "Oh shit, you ain't Shaneeka."

Ignorance Is This: A 34-year-old man called police after being threatened by a known suspect while doing work in his yard. He told officers the man, who is known around the neighborhood for being unstable, approached him and said, "I am going to beat your ass. You are a pussy. Have you got any money you motherfucking faggot? I am going to kick your ass." OK, this is why you just need to have a gun inside your home. People like this don't need to be around.

Very Hungry: The owner of a local music shop filed a police report after an unknown suspect tried to defraud him and his business. He told police that someone had used his company's credit card to order 20 pizzas from Domino's and also order some other merchandise from the Internet. Well, the first most obvious suspect would be a former employee who smokes A LOT of weed.

Home Sick: A 45-year-old man called police after being threatened by a guest who was staying at his house. He told officers the man was upset because he wanted to return to Detroit and woke up in the morning screaming at the victim's wife. He then threatened them both with a book, probably the only time he's ever used one. He grabbed the victim around the throat and told him he would kill him. You really want to go to Detroit that bad? I would put up this big of a fight just to get out of that city.

Threat of the Week: A 17-year-old girl filed a police report after being threatened over the Internet. She told police that a known suspect left her a message on her Facebook page that stated, "I swear to God if I see you in public, I will rip your fucking eyes out. I could fucking murder you so easy." OK, I'm sorry for this one. I just really hate when people ignore my friend requests.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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