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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Recession-Proof: A professional limousine driver called police after being ripped off by a group of six people. He told officers that he had been hired by the group to bring them to Morton's Steakhouse and wait outside until they finished. After a few hours of waiting outside, he went in to find out when they planned on leaving. He soon found out that the group had slipped out the back of the restaurant without paying their food bill either. I know where the inspiration for this came from, I must've taken one of these girls on a date in the past.

Weave Them Alone: Elements of Hair is the newest victim in a recent rash of salon-related thefts throughout Charlotte. An employee reported that while the business was closed, unknown suspects broke the glass door in front and stole multiple bottles of conditioner, two pairs of hair clippers, two curling irons, a blow dryer, a laptop and hairspray bottles. You can pay for beauty school, but you can't buy class.

Puppet Show: A 60-year-old woman called police after being assaulted by a known suspect from her neighborhood. She told officers the man approached her while she was standing on her front porch. He grabbed the woman by the wrists and led her in circles in this manner around her yard a few times. When the 26-year-old man she was with pulled the suspect off, he threatened the good Samaritan by stating, "You're a dead man walking. I'm going to shoot your house up."

Hulk Jr.: A 39-year-old man filed a police report after his house was vandalized. He told police that a known suspect ran onto his back deck and kicked in the sliding screen door. Because just sliding it would have been far too much effort.

Little Speedster: A 71-year-old man called police after being startled by a man threatening him in front of his house for no apparent reason. He told officers that while he was standing on his porch, a man walked to the edge of his yard and stood in the street yelling at him. The suspect said, "If you ever talk to the driver of that Corvette again, I'll come down here and beat the shit out of you. Don't ever talk to her again." Sounds like some former bodyguard from the 1980s having a flashback.

Ummmm: A 28-year-old woman decided to call 911 after being threatened through a letter. She said she woke up one morning to find a white bag on the hood of her car. The bag contained a white T-shirt and a letter that threatened the woman's life. The shirt reads, "I was in the Blotter, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

Hit and Run: A 43-year-old man called police after being assaulted in front of his son. He told officers he and his kid were jogging early one morning when a car drove fast and something was thrown out the window. The object hit him, and he fell down but was not injured. Considering the fact this guy never found what hit him, it probably wasn't that big. And I'm guessing he was so embarrassed that he fell down, he felt the need to set a good example and dial 911.

Now That's Weird: A 30-year-old woman finally filed a police report and restraining order on an ex-boyfriend who she claims has been stalking her for a year. She says the man has called more than 100 times in a three-day period. He came to her brand-new residence, the address that she attempted to keep unknown to him, and threatened to kick the door down. He has followed her in his car multiple times. He shows up at her workplace almost daily. See, I'm not that strange.

Passing Through: A 38-year-old woman dialed 911 after waking up to what she called a strange noise. The victim got out of bed just in time to see a gold Cadillac, which had just driven through her car and into her house, back up and leave. That noise is strange because it's one of those "Oh-my-God-I-definitely-never-thought-I-would-hear-that-ever" noises.

Not Smart: A 21-year-old woman called police after a man threatened her. The man approached her while she was standing at a CATS bus stop and pulled out a box cutter, stating, "I will lay you out." Eight years after 9/11, I do not want to be the guy who figures out just what they can do to you for threatening people with box cutters on CATS property.

Threat of the Week: A 39-year-old man filed a police report after being threatened by a known suspect. The man called his house twice saying things like, "I'm watching you and soon it will all come down. Your skinny ass is dust. I will come to your house and stomp your ass. I am 6'5" and have been to prison, which means I will kill you." Or it could mean you would make one awesome NFL player.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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