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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

On Track: Police were cruising their beat downtown when they witnessed a man and a woman running down the tracks of the Lynx light rail. The officers were able to stop the man but the woman got away. After looking around a bit, the officers found a car stuck sideways quite a ways down the track. The man told them he had just gotten lost and thought he had turned onto a road. He then proceeded to blow over the legal limit in an alcohol Breathalyzer test.

Revenge: A 27-year-old woman called police to report that her apartment had been vandalized. She told officers that her ex-boyfriend moved out of the apartment two months ago but still had the key. When she returned home from work one day, she found that he had entered the apartment and broke the victim's bed, air conditioning unit, front door window and the oven. He had also thrown eggs all over the walls in the kitchen. Some people just aren't meant to be cooks.

In Need Of Support: Employees of a local KMart (which I didn't even know existed anymore) called police after witnessing a man attempt to shoplift from their store. They watched the man attempt to stuff articles of clothing down his pants, including two packs of underwear, two packs of white T-shirts and a pack of socks. He then attempted to freeball his way right out the front door before being apprehended and arrested. Doesn't he know you have to get them out of the plastic before you put them on?

On Record: A 21-year-old woman called police after a "friend" stole something from her apartment. She told officers that the two were hanging out at her apartment and she left the room to use the bathroom. When she returned, she realized that the guest had grabbed her cable box and ran out the front door with it. You should've never told her you DVR'd the So You Think You Can Dance finale.

So Thirsty: Employees at a local Lowe's Foods called police after catching a man shoplifting. The man entered the building and stuffed a bottle of chardonnay in his bag along with a 24-ounce can of Evil Eye high gravity beer. Nice little plan there: Start with the nice bottle of wine and chase it down with the hard stuff. I'm sure that wouldn't make for too bad a hangover. You might have been one step from the door, but you have 12 steps to go.

Got Beef: A 54-year-old employee of a local Pizza Hut called police after being robbed at gunpoint by some very hungry thugs. The woman stepped out of her car at her delivery location and was approached by two armed men. They relieved her of two medium pizzas with cheese, pepperoni and beef as well as 10 boneless chicken wings and were on their way. I hope they at least left a tip.

The Ringer: A 66-year-old woman called police after being the victim of theft. She told officers that while she was sleeping, someone stole a large steel bell from her backyard that cost $500. Officers told her she could probably find the perpetrator – just be very, very quiet. The Liberty Bell will always be remembered for being cracked. This bell will be remembered for being stolen by a crack addict named Liberty.

Leafing The Scene: An 81-year-old man called police after witnessing a crash. He said he was sitting in his living room looking out the front window when an apparently inebriated man drove into his front yard and struck a tree, flipping the vehicle he was in. The man then got out of the car and stumbled down the road to an unknown location. There are tree huggers and tree haters – most of us fall somewhere in between.

Smooth Getaway: A 47-year-old woman called police after someone stole the boat from her dock on Lake Norman. She told officers that she woke up one morning to find that a small green kayak that was floating in the water in her backyard had been taken. This is going to make for one awkward "high-speed" chase if those police boats catch up to the perpetrator.

Roll Deep: An employee at a local gas station called police after somebody shoplifted from the store she was working in. She said that two men entered the store and grabbed a four-pack of Red Bull and ran out. I guess when you're tired enough to commit crimes for energy drinks, you do need two people to carry four cans of Red Bull.

Threat of the Week: A 66-year-old woman and her 74-year-old husband called police after being assaulted by their grandson in their own home. The woman told officers that the kid grabbed her husband by the arms and then shoved her in the chest with a satchel. He then picked up a butcher knife and yelled, "I will kill y'all both and end it all." At which time the couple took a drive down to their lawyer's office and made some changes to their respective wills.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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