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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Good Taste: A 51-year-old man called police after his house was broken into. An unknown suspect forced entry through a rear window and left with a brown cowboy hat and an eight-inch television. If someone gains access to your home and this is all they want to take, it's time for a trip to IKEA.

Cowboys & Idiots: A 32-year-old man called police after an unknown man tried to assault him. He told officers that after an argument, the man chased him down North Tryon Street shooting a bow and arrow at him. The victim then rounded up his posse, kissed his lady and headed due west to find the savages responsible.

Ready for TakeOff: A traveler at Charlotte-Douglas Airport found a nearby police officer when something just wasn't going right in the bathroom. He told the officer and another responding police official that it was obvious that "crimes against nature" were about to take place between two men in a stall. I didn't know the Minnesota Republican party was in town. I always thought of Hummers as crimes against nature, but I guess blowers count, too.

Nickel and Dimed: A 53-year-old man called police after two men stole something from his garage. He told officers that his dog started barking late at night and when he looked out the blinds he saw two men fleeing the scene. When he checked the garage he could find nothing missing, but he believes he had about $5 more worth of gas in his car when he came home that day than he had after the incident. Way to try to milk the situation for whatever you can get, buddy. Just be happy they didn't steal your brown cowboy hat.

Blacklisted: Employees of a local hospital called police after a man trespassed on their property. They told officers that the man had received medical treatment at the hospital a week ago and then was banned after creating a disturbance. When he returned last week, the police were called and he was arrested. When you are banned from the only place responsible for saving your life in an emergency, that's a sign that you need to start a new life in a new city.

Too Old: A 44-year-old man called police after he claims he was assaulted by a man in a nightclub. The police arrived to find that the "victim" was intoxicated and belligerent, and had already been escorted out of the club by bouncers. After finding no signs of injury, the police told the man to drive home. Just kidding ... but they did let the idiot go free.

Naptime: A 27-year-old woman called police after finding something repulsive on the couch when she came home from work: her sleeping ex-boyfriend. She told officers that when she opened the door, the man woke up and started to yell at her. When she told him to leave, he refused and then pushed her once before leaving. See, this is why my roommate is real quiet when he gets home from work – you have to be considerate of napping men.

Naptime Part Two: A 47-year-old man called police after being robbed while he was in his motel room. He told officers that his friend was taking a shower and he fell asleep, only to awaken to find his shirt, necklace, iPhone, bottle of Xanax and friend all gone. He told officers he didn't know his friend's name but knew what she looked like. OK, it's obvious what happened here. You were dumb enough to fall asleep with a prostitute in the room and you paid the consequences.

Bad Business: A 51-year-old man called police to report that a known suspect had stolen two of his vehicles. He told police that he dropped the two cars off at a mechanic on June 1 and paid to have them fixed. The mechanic spent the next month giving the victim excuses as to why they hadn't been fixed. When the man came to reclaim his vehicles on July 6, they were both gone. The mechanic acted shocked and said he had no idea who took them. Somebody here got some cash and some clunkers.

Memory Lapse: A 41-year-old man called police to report that his car had been stolen in Reedy Creek Park while he was taking a walk. As he waited for police to arrive, he took another walk and found the vehicle parked on the opposite side of in the dog park parking lot. He said it looked as if nothing had been taken from the vehicle and nothing had been broken. You might want to check the dog park, too – you probably have a dog running around in there.

Good Lawyer: A 48-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. She told officers the suspect called her and stated, "I will come to Charlotte and whoop your ass if you don't drop the court charges." Well, now there's a whole new police report, and it seems like this guy's going to have make a couple of trips.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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