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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Take It All: In the most ridiculous robbery I've ever read about, the following things were taken: a box of clothes, a child's bow-and-arrow set, a screw driver set, tape measure, umbrella, two ceramic pigs, a ceramic fruit bowl, a sewing machine, two saws, a shoe shine kit, a tackle box, a metal cannon (???), an eagle statue, 1939-1940 tax book, a lantern, two baseball gloves, a VCR, baseball cards, a slingshot, a book of stamps, staples and IcyHot patches. All suspects were arrested on the scene – meaning the victims had to find a dumpster.

Good Eye: While driving a man to SouthPark mall, a taxi driver recognized him as a suspect who had "jump and run" on him before. He quietly told his dispatcher to call the police and continued to drive. As soon as he arrived at the mall, the suspect predictably jumped out of the taxi and started running. The suspect then fell and the victim caught up with him. After arguing, the driver chased the man into the mall and punched him over the top of the head. Police eventually got the suspect in custody but neither fare was ever paid.

Hot Commodity: An employee of the Charlotte Mecklenburg Board of Education called police after her car was broken into. The suspect broke out the back window and got away with a projector and Teacher's Edition textbooks. (Those are the books with all the answers in them. If you find a desperate enough kid this time of year, he might pay a lot for those.)

Inconspicuous: A group of uniformed police officers were standing around chatting on LaSalle Street when a man who was walking by them turned his head and said, "Fuck you!" Give these cops some credit. If you do this in Los Angeles, you'll probably end up in an alley somewhere.

Riding High: As police arrived at a house they had been called to for a domestic disturbance, a car drove away and a bystander told police to follow the girl who was driving it. The girl was found to be driving a car with an expired tag so they searched her. She had in her possession a blunt of marijuana, a crack rock, crack pipes, a marijuana pipe and two cell phones with names and numbers of labeled drug dealers in the phone. Friendly notice to all Charlotte-area drug dealers: time to change your phone numbers.

Get In Touch: A 20-year-old woman called 911 after she was assaulted by an ex-boyfriend. She told officers that she had began arguing with the suspect because he never answered his phone when she would call him. The suspect became irate and began striking her with an opened hand across her eye. He then choked the woman. Some people are just better off being alone.

Honey-Dipped: A police officer was making a routine traffic stop in Charlotte when he witnessed a female passenger trying to hide marijuana from his sight. The officer reported that he saw the woman sticking two rolled blunts up into her crotch area so that he would not find them in the event of a search. I don't think that was her intention; some folks just like to give their weed some extra flavor before they smoke it.

Bad Luck: A 48-year-old man called police after a burglar tried to break into his house. The man said someone had thrown a rock through his window and then shattered the rest in order to climb through. The suspect then stepped directly on a ceramic cat food bowl and cut himself quite badly, judging by the pool of blood left at the scene by the empty-handed crook.

Practice Makes Perfect: A 42-year-old woman called police after she was defrauded by an unknown man. She said the suspect presented himself as a lawyer who practices here in North Carolina and promised to file some very important paperwork for her for a fee. She said she gave him the money and the paperwork was never filed. Now she can't find anyone who practices law nearby that goes by his name. Should've known – never trust a lawyer ... or a strange man in a suit for that matter.

Something's Fishy: An employee at a local Food Lion called police after catching a woman shoplifting from the store. The employee told officers he witnessed the woman shoving things into her purse and confronted her. The lady was found to have taken 11 sticks of deodorant, two bars of soap and one 24-ounce can of beer. "OK, I can kick the alcohol, but please just break me off one little piece of soap."

Threat of the Week: In another example of what seems to be growing violence against women this week, a 30-year-old woman reported that a known man grabbed her around the neck and punched her once in the upper lip. The man then left but called her on the phone later on and stated that he would kill her and cut the unborn child from her stomach. Here's to hoping this guy just falls through a manhole or something.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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