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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

That's Deep: A 51-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The man called her three times and stated, "Bitch, I know you are with that nigga. The next time your mama sees you she is gonna be shoveling dirt on you." OK, will someone tell this guy that funerals are handled much differently in the 21st century than, well, whenever it was he last attended one.

Knock On Wood: A woman was arrested and charged with "accessory after the fact of a felony" after police found out she was hiding a man she knew to be wanted by police. Officers found that the man was hiding in the floorboards of the house. What, is this – Nazi Germany all of a sudden? Is there a little girl keeping a diary in the attic trying not to make any noise, too?

What Bad Economy?: A 29-year-old woman called police after she realized that her identity had been stolen. She received a notice from the IRS that stated she had unreported income from 2007. After doing some investigating, she found that someone had used her full name, date of birth and Social Security number to obtain jobs at a Denver McDonald's and The Cheesecake Factory in California. This is not identity theft – these are options to fall back on. Most people would be ecstatic.

You Kitten Me?: A 63-year-old woman called police after receiving multiple calls from an unknown suspect who was harassing her. The woman told officers that she received three calls from an unknown man who kept telling her that he had found a cat that belongs to her. The woman told him each time that the cat didn't belong to her and to stop calling, but the man continued to call throughout the day.

Locked Up: A 44-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The woman called her six times and stated, "I'm going to kill you. I'm so mad I'm going to kill you. I'm going to make sure you go to jail for a very long time." I think you've got it mixed up. Murdering people is usually how suspects end up in jail for a very long time.

How Could You?: A 30-year-old woman called police after being assaulted by a man and his daughter in her home. The man put the victim in a sleeper hold and brought her down to the floor. He then pulled out a gun and waved it around in the air, stating that "he had something" for the victim. After the man left, his daughter showed up and told the victim she was going to kick her ass for ever messing with her father. Yeah, how dare you let him put you in a sleeper hold and pull a gun out from his waistband! What were you thinking?

In Debt: A 21-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a man to whom she owes money. The man called her 30 times in the span of a day and stated, "I will beat your ass and then kill your son before you ever even see him again." I like the way this guy thinks. Can't kill the woman, you don't get the money. So you kill the one she's spending all the money on!

True Romantic: A 63-year-old woman called police after being stalked by a known suspect for the last three months. She told officers that the man has constantly driven past her house without any purpose. One of his favorite tricks is to call the police and send them to her house to check on her, since she won't answer his phone calls. He has approached her door multiple times, leaving notes, flowers and even fresh vegetables! Just be happy you still elicit this sort of behavior at 63 and throw the guy a bone, would you?

My Best Friend: A 22-year-old man filed a police report after finding a note in his mailbox that stated, "What's up man? I will see you really soon buddy." The victim believes the note was left by a known suspect who wants to hurt him. Either that or an overly friendly postal worker.

Got That?: A 35-year-old woman man called police after a man threatened him to his wife. He told officers that the man saw his wife out running errands and yelled at her, "Tell your husband he is good as got." Damn he got him good. Because that's what you get when you're good at getting people. Gotcha.

Threat of the Week: A 33-year-old woman called police after receiving a very detailed threat from a known suspect. She told officers the woman called her at 10 a.m. and stated, "You are not going to take my car and my money. I will send my son who is a thug and his friends who are gang thugs to take care of you and your vehicles and make sure that you are there when you leave so they can follow you home." Don't sell your son short – I'm sure he, too, has been promoted to gang thug by now.

Blotter items are chosen from the file of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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