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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Not A Crime: A 15-year-old boy called police after being hit by a car. He told officers a woman was driving by when she began to yell at him and his friends for skateboarding in the street. After he yelled back, the woman backed her car up, then accelerated into the boy and drove away. The boy is now the envy of all his friends for being the first one to do flips while skateboarding.

That Girl's Hot: A 14-year-old girl called police after being assaulted at Independence High School. She told officers she was walking to her bus after classes were dismissed when she realized that the back of her neck was getting warm. She then realized that someone behind her had ignited her ponytail, but was not able to find out who it was because of the large amount of students. Damn, I would be heated if someone did that to me. Somebody would have to get lit up. I would ... OK, I'll stop.

The Challenger: A 22-year-old male filed a police report after being threatened over the phone. He has been told by family members and friends that the suspect is calling all of them with threatening messages aimed at him. The suspect has told the victims, "I will kill you. I will make you pay. I know where you live, and I know what time you go to work." He then told the original victim, "Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. one of the three of us will be dead." Now this sounds like some reality TV I might actually watch.

Leave Me Alone: A man called police to the parking lot of a club early one morning after another man made it a little awkward for him to drive home. He told officers that when he walked out of the club at 2 a.m., there was a man he had never seen before inside of his car and he refused to get out. When officers later asked the man to vacate the vehicle he still refused. I'm not sure how this ridiculous event ended, but I am praying that the word Taser was involved.

Shocking News: A police officer stopped a suspicious man walking down Trade Street last week and found him to be concealing a machete, a stun gun and a length of rope under his clothes. Unless the man was expecting to be dropped in a deserted, foreign land any minute, Man vs. Wild style, then there is absolutely no explanation for this.

Let's Roll, Baby: An employee at a local baby boutique called police after a woman stole from the store. The employee told officers that the woman walked into the store, put her baby into the expensive stroller on display at the time and walked out. A high-speed pursuit before you turn a year old – that baby will be the world's next great NASCAR driver.

Writer At Work: A 22-year-old man called police after catching a woman vandalizing his vehicle. He said he looked out from his apartment balcony and saw a woman scratching his car with something. When he yelled, the woman ran away. When the victim went to check out the damage, he found that the words, "Fuck You Jackass. P.S. I'm" were scratched into his side panel. Oh, this is awesome! If it's not obvious to you that the last word was going to be "pregnant," then I don't know what is.

Inso-maniacal: Doctors reported a suicide attempt to police when a man was brought in after cutting himself quite seriously with a kitchen knife. When questioned by his doctors, the man told them he tried to kill himself because he couldn't sleep that night. Ever heard of Ambien?

I Want My MTV: A 23-year-old employee of a cable company called police after being assaulted on a job site. He told officers that he was at a former client's address to cut the cable off after the man had failed to pay the bill in months. The man snuck up behind the worker and hit him in the back of the head with a stick. You NEVER disconnect a violent man's cable on the night that Gossip Girl comes on.

No, You Hang Up: A 22-year-old woman called police after being harassed by a known suspect. After telling the suspect not to call her anymore, she received two voicemails in which the suspect told her that she would come to her work and cause trouble. The victim received a text the next day that read, "If you contact us again, it will be your ass." Problem solved.

Threat of the Week: A 52-year-old man called police after being threatened repeatedly by his roommate. The suspect is mad at the victim because the victim wants him out of the apartment. The suspect has yelled, cursed at the victim and jumps at him every time the victim tries to walk by him. He has also repeatedly told the victim, "I'm going to kick your butt." I knew I had the right to call police on my brother when he told me that almost 16 years ago. My mom just always refused to go along with it for some reason.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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