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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

50 Cent Is My Dog: Police showed up to a local residence to assist a medic's call for service early in the morning last week. During the call, a pit bull charged at one of the officers and "attempted to bite him." The officer shot the dog through the face. The dog was not killed and was taken by Animal Control to receive medical treatment. These people need to get that dog into the studio ASAP. 50 Cent sold millions off this gimmick, and it wasn't even the cops that shot him.

More Copycats: Police responded to a call about a domestic disturbance in The Plaza area to find a very angry mother. She told police that one of her older sons had shot her 12-year-old son in the cheek with a BB gun. Everybody's trying to get some street cred these days.

Step Mom: A 48-year-old woman called police after she was threatened by a known suspect over the phone. She told officers that the man, who is her daughter's boyfriend, called her and said he was going to kill her and her family. So later on down the road when they are standing at the altar, and the priest asks if anyone knows of any reason these two shall not be joined in marriage, that's your cue.

Not Gangster: A 21-year-old woman called police after her apartment was broken into. She told officers that someone entered her residence and stole a 20-inch flat screen TV, a DVD player, a black futon and two plaques that were inserted into her Scarface movie poster. You have plaques inserted in a Scarface movie poster? Someone has been watching way too much MTV Cribs.

Dead (Dying) Giveaway: A 27-year-old woman called police after her roommate overdosed on pills. She told police she couldn't find her sleep-aid pills the night before. And when she came home from work the next day, her roommate was in a "state of stupor" and foaming at the mouth with the empty pill bottle nearby. I think you found them.

Bad Seed: A 46-year-old woman called police after someone stole things of value from her house. She told officers that an unknown suspect took assorted jewelry from the jewelry box in her master bedroom. She stated that, at the time of the incident, she had multiple people in her house fellowshipping. I think it's time to drop this group, and get some new recruits because somebody's just not right with God.

De-escalation of Threat: A 20-year-old woman called police after being threatened and harassed by a known suspect. The victim stated that the suspect said, "I'm going to kill you. I hope your family has made funeral arrangements for you. I have a hit out for you. I'm going to beat you up when I see you. I'm going to get someone to steal your car." Why are you backing down with every sentence? You went from being the person doing the killing to not even wanting to participate in grand theft auto.

Ugly Gang Colors: Police were cruising the The Plaza area when they saw a man walking down the street wearing a brown bandana on his face. Due to the high amount of recent robberies in the area, the police stopped and questioned the man. At this point the man became verbally abusive and cursed at the officers. As officers attempted to arrest the man, he shoved one officer to the ground and fled on foot. He scratched another officer in the face before being arrested following a brief foot chase. Why do you have to mess with these upright citizens? He seems like a nice enough man.

Take 'Em Down: A 47-year-old woman called police after someone damaged the Christmas decorations in her front yard. She told officers that someone knocked heads off figures in her manger scene, broke decorations and punctured an inflatable snowman. I was just walking down the street minding my own business when I swear one of those men giving Jesus a gift started looking at me like a wise guy. So I handled him and his friends.

Close the Drapes: A 37-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a neighbor. She said she was walking down the street when her neighbor came and stood face to face with her. While waving her arms erratically, the neighbor yelled, "If you know any better, you will never look out your window again." Man, that's going to be especially tough if there is some snow in the forecast in the upcoming weeks.

Threat of the Week: A 47-year-old woman called police after someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She said the suspect, whom she lives with, stated, "Today, I'm going to die. I'm going to be doing capital murder today." This would all have been fine until he treaded into risky territory, stating, "I'm going to take everybody with me: you, your daughter, everyone. You make it a promise." Seeing as how she filed the report the next day, I'm going to assume this man is a procrastinator.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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