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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Stay In School: Police got involved in a family situation that needed attention from the principal of a local middle school. A 13-year-old boy who had been withdrawn from Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools to be home-schooled called his former principal and asked if he and his two siblings could be let back into school. He asked because he claimed that they were not being taught and not learning anything at home. I figured if I just turned on Sesame Street and left them alone, they'd be fine.

Scratch: A 51-year-old woman called police after being threatened at a pool hall. She told officers she got into a small argument with her boyfriend when he stated, "If you don't shut up, I'm gonna hit you in the head with this pool stick."

Hoop Ride: A 46-year-old woman called police after another woman threatened to damage her vehicle. She told officers that she was in a courtroom downtown when the woman said, "Your truck is already a raggedy piece of shit, and I'll fuck it up even more." Perfect comeback: "Your kid's already a slow learner, that doesn't mean I'm gonna hit him over the head." (What has this job done to me?)

Cracking Up: Police were called to a local Texaco station after a would-be shoplifter got a little out of control. Employees told the police that the man entered the store and tried to leave without paying for his pack of Now and Later candy and container of incense. When one of store's workers approached him, he cut the victim three times with a knife. He then used a hammer to bust out the front window of the store. Arresting officers found an open container of alcohol in the man's car. This report is for all those people who think I make these stories up. I wouldn't know where to start.

Suspect: Police got involved with a sexual harassment incident that happened on a CMS bus last week. The victim told police he was riding his bus home from school when another boy on the bus pulled down his pants and showed off his genitals. The suspect then bragged about earning the lead role in the school play while everyone else was at recess.

Get Out: A 37-year-old man called police after being threatened by a known suspect. He told police the suspect called multiple times overnight and stated things such as, "I am telling you to throw your roommate out or you will never see your kids again. You have a big mouth, and we are going to have to shut it up." Is this wrong? How do normal people complain to their neighbors when they get noisy?

Return to Sender: A 35-year-old woman called police after being harassed repeatedly by a scorned suitor. She told officers the man kept sending her gifts she didn't want. She also said that he has sent her pictures and letters in the past that indicate that he is watching her. I got the Flo Rida CD from someone special last Christmas. I threw it away and called the police, too; I didn't care who was watching me.

Lean On Me: Police were called to a local middle school last week after a teacher was assaulted by one of her students. The woman told police that the student hit her in the head with one of his crutches. Then he walked away with a real gangsta limp.

Party Guest: A 39-year-old man called police after a man arrived at his house and acted a bit out of line. He said the man entered his residence uninvited and intoxicated. The man then started arguing with people about a cell phone. He grabbed the initial victim by the hair and pulled him to the floor, ripping out several of his dreadlocks. The victim's mother tried to break up the fight and the suspect bit her on the hand, causing a bruise. He was then arrested and taken to where he could find more friends to play with.

Senility: An elderly woman called police after she misplaced a piece of jewelry. She told officers that someone must've stolen a pear-shaped diamond that she always put in a night robe that hangs in her bedroom closet. She said this even though there were no signs of forced entry and nobody had been to visit the house. Don't you remember? You threw it off the side of the boat after you told those people your Titanic survival story.

Threat of the Week: A 24-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a neighbor. She told officers the woman called her and stated, "I am going to stick my foot up your ass. I am going to have my son come and whip you in your ass." This woman is either really pissed off or into some really kinky stuff.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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