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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Bad Mood: Police were called to Morgan School after someone decided they weren't going to take it anymore. A suspect created a large disturbance and damaged school property. The suspect pushed over a walk-through metal detector, kicked a garbage can across the front lobby and kicked out the glass portion of a front door. But you have to admit, the basketball team's been doing great since they hired Bobby Knight to coach.

Shoddy Construction: Officers attempted to serve warrants on two suspects last week by simply knocking on their door, underestimating the suspects' motivation to stay out of jail. The suspects crawled into the attic of their apartment to elude officers and climbed through so that they were above their neighbor's apartment. They then broke through the ceiling of that apartment and ran on foot for some distance before being apprehended. You need to put a bucket underneath that leak before you have any more company dropping in.

Worse Construction: Employees at a local auto repair shop called police after arriving at work to find that their business had been broken into. The employees told police that someone got in overnight by peeling back the tin wall on the side of the building. The suspect stole two sets of car keys, a car, some change and alcoholic beverages ... because that's what you always expect to find in high supply at an auto repair shop.

Sick Day: Police were called to a local middle school after a young girl became desperate to avoid going to class. A 12-year-old girl intentionally wounded herself by scratching at her arms with scissors while riding on the bus to school one morning.

Mental Sick Day: Police were called to a local school bus stop after a woman and her daughter were threatened. A 61-year-old woman told police that she was waiting in her car with her 12-year-old daughter for the bus to come one morning, when suddenly a girl came from across the street and yelled at them. The suspect stated, "I'm going to kick your ass and cut you up." To which the daughter responded, "I was planning on cutting myself on the bus anyway, save me some trouble."

No More Jokes: A 51-year-old woman called police after being repeatedly threatened by another woman. The suspect called the victim one night last week and stated, "Tell yo' momma, when I seen her, I'm gonna kill 'er." The victim said that the suspect says things like this frequently and she just wants the harassment. This is what happens when someone holds a grudge for 40 years about losing a "Yo Momma" joke fight.

Evil Seed: Police were called to a house in Charlotte after a family fight turned serious. One suspect was taken into juvenile custody after stabbing his 12-year-old brother in the lower back and shoulder with a steak knife. Kids get this from the television shows they watch. One too many episodes of Hannah Montana and you just want to kill somebody.

Evil Breed: Police were called to a local Charlotte house after two brothers couldn't stand to be together anymore. One of them, a 46-year-old, told police that his brother punched him in the face with a closed fist. He also admitted that they had been drinking together all day and couldn't really remember what the argument was about. Now those 12-year-old kids know what sort of life they have to look forward to.

Speed Freak: A 24-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a neighbor. She told officers that an unknown neighbor placed a letter in her mailbox that stated, "If you speed past my house again, I will shoot or slash your tires." I'm still stuck on whether it's that family over there playing hopscotch in the driveway or that guy who wears camouflage every day and spends a lot of his time on the roof with a rifle.

Speed Demon: A 58-year-old employee of a local apartment complex called police after being threatened by one of her tenants. She told officers she was riding a golf cart in the complex when the suspect sped by her. When she went to discuss his high rate of speed with him, he said to her, "Don't mess with me or I will fuck you up." I swear, crimes were happening in pairs in this city last week.

Threat of the Week: A 41-year-old man called police after being threatened by another man. The suspect called the victim last week and stated, "If you have my shit, bodily harm will be done to you." This guy must know his way around a police report, because he clearly understands the terminology. "I am a known suspect who is communicating threats to you, the victim, at this moment."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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