June 01, 2010 News & Views » The Blotter

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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

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Tending Her Bushes: A 26-year-old man called police after being assaulted by his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. He told officers that when he arrived at his girlfriend's house, the suspect was already there doing some yard work. When he got out of the car, the suspect immediately approached him and punched him in the face with brass knuckles before driving off. I wonder if that's the first time your arrival forced him to pull out without finishing.

Pushed Over the Line: A 44-year-old woman called police after being assaulted while boating on Lake Norman. She told officers that her boyfriend pushed her over the side of the boat while they were arguing. He said that he had enough when she called him shallow and decided he would show her.

Cleaning House: A 28-year-old woman called police after a known suspect vandalized her property. She told police that during an argument in the suspect's apartment complex parking lot, the suspect poured mouthwash over her laptop. The suspect also slammed the laptop on the ground, removing the X key. This just sounds like some sort of weird reality show where they give you two of the most random household items and tell you to fight with them.

That's A Steal: A 37-year-old male called police after getting ripped off and taken advantage of. He told officers that at some point last week, he apparently made a verbal agreement with the suspect over the sale of his vehicle. The victim stated that he was extremely intoxicated at the time and doesn't remember making the deal at all. "You know man. I shouldn't be drrrriving. Just take my keys. Just k-k-k-k-eep them, you're a great guy."

Hard Call: A 49-year-old woman called police after being sexually harassed over the phone by an unknown suspect. She told officers that someone texted her two sexually graphic photos of himself one afternoon last week. She told officers that she doesn't recognize the number that sent the texts at all. Well, of course he could've sent them from any phone. The question is ... do you recognize those testicles?

Fiending: Employees at a local Food Lion called police after a man attempted larceny at their store. They told officers the man hopped over the counter and attempted to steal cigarettes, but left when he couldn't open the protective door. I would suggest hopping a gas station counter, where they keep them out in the open. But that counter is just a bit higher, and judging by your crime, I'm sure you're no athlete.

ROCK BEATS SCISSORS: Police were called to a local neighborhood playground after a 7-year-old boy was threatened by a play buddy. The suspect allegedly showed the victim a pair of scissors and told him he would cut him with them. He then threatened the kid with a rock. How about paper?

Make an Entrance: Police were called to a local Charlotte home when a man came to visit some ladies and made quite an impression. The four girls, all aged between 15 and 25, stated that the man, whom they knew but had not invited in, entered their home and began using his head to knock holes through their wall. He then attempted to lift one woman up against her will but she easily broke free of him. So he decided to punch both the younger girls in the face shortly before police arrived, and he was arrested. If I was the cop, I would've Tasered this guy all the way to the station just for the hell of it. I guess that's why I'm not a cop.

Try Again: An employee at Red Sea Grocery called police after being the victim of an attempted robbery. He told police that the man entered his store and pointed a gun at him. After the victim pleaded that he didn't know what was going on, the man took his cell phone and ran off. Even when you suck at life so bad that you have to rob people, you suck at that.

I See You: A 37-year-old woman called police after a confused suspect threatened her. The woman told officers the man stole a TV and a Playstation 3 from her when he moved out. He then called and stated, "I am going to shoot you and anyone that he seen with you." I would say chalk up the PS3 and TV as a loss before you go meet back up with this guy.

Threat of the Week: A 27-year-old woman called police after being threatened over the phone by a man whom she had already taken out a Domestic Violence Order of Protection against. She stated that the suspect called her twice and said, "Bitch I am going to kill you. Bitch I am going to get you. I swear to God I am going to kill you." Let's take a moment to think about who the real bitch is in this situation.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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