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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Close Call: An 18-year-old man called police after he was injured during an attempted robbery. The victim told officers that he was walking out of a gas station on Milton Road when three unknown suspects tried to rob him. The men were not holding any weapons and didn't assault the man in any way; however, as the victim ran away from them he fell and received a cut on his forearm. The three suspects then helped him up and signaled for help — or as the victim puts it, roughed him up some more and called for their fellow gang members.

Homegrown Terror: A 48-year-old man called police after his property was vandalized by ignorant neighbors. The man, who is of Middle Eastern descent, told officers that someone spray-painted "I Am A Terrorist" down the side of his newly-installed fence. In a perfect world, this would have prompted the man to go to his neighbor's house and paint the words "I Am A Canadian" on their garage, seeing as how said neighbors live on the same continent as a large percentage of folks from the Great White North.

Family Issues: A 59-year-old man called police after being robbed blind by his only son. The victim told police that his son broke into the safe at his home and stole $4,500 in cash, along with some checks. Fast-forward 20 years to when this kid is opening his father's will and it states, "To my beloved son: Are you seriously even reading this right now you little shit?"

The Necessities: Police were called to a local Food Lion after a woman was caught shoplifting from the store. Employees told officers they watched the woman put two packs of tampons and a pack of Sharpie pens in her purse and attempt to leave out of the front entrance without paying. I never thought about how important the search for a good marker must be when trying to make the perfect "Can You Spare Some Change?" sign.

Victimized: A 40-year-old woman called police after she was allegedly assaulted by her boyfriend. The "victim" told officers that she arrived at her man's house unannounced only to find him with another woman. The man pushed her when she was asked to leave the house and refused. He then tried to close the front door while her hands and feet were blocking the way because she was trying to gain entry. The man even showed officers a text message in which the woman said she would "kick the door down Rambo-style" if he didn't open up. I wonder whatever made him want to cheat on a peach like you.

Master Plan: Police were called to a local Kohl's store after a woman was foiled in her genius plot to steal clothes. Employees told officers that they witnessed the woman walking into the store and selecting displaced items of clothing from the shelves and floor of the department store. She then approached an employee with the items and stated that she bought them and needed to trade them for some matching clothes that actually fit her. When told she would need a receipt, she attempted to leave with the ill-fitting clothes she had recently acquired. For a scam like this, I usually just pick up a brand-new gift card and tell the cashier I need to trade it for one with money on it.

First Thing's First: Police were called to a local Harris Teeter after a woman was caught shoplifting. Employees followed the woman through the store as she concealed certain items in her purse. When she made her way to the parking lot, she was stopped and the items were recovered. The woman was found with a pack of panty liners, body wash, fingernail glue, hair coloring and a pregnancy test. It seems like you should be taking care of one big question before you worry about gluing your nails on for the night.

Let It Bump: A 43-year-old woman called police after being harassed over the phone. She told officers that a man called her 14 times over the last few days, and would repeatedly blast the stereo system of a television into her earpiece. I just wanted you to know what was happening in the new season of Entourage, geez!

Unsupportive: A 41-year-old man called police after the family living in the apartment above him would not quiet down. The man told officers he had complained several times to apartment management about the children upstairs continuously dribbling a basketball and it hadn't stopped. See if you get any props when they make it to the NBA.

Threat of the Week: The mother of an 11-year-old boy called police after her son was threatened by a boy from a nearby neighborhood. She told officers that the suspect wrote a message on her son's Facebook wall that stated, "If you come to Sedgefield next year, I'm going to have my brother kick your ass." Luckily, your season pass is good through the remainder of 2010 — so you can continue to enjoy all the great amenities I'm sure Sedgefield offers. Did your brother help you spell all those words?

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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