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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Food Fight: Police responded to a call at the Salsarita's near the airport after an employee threw a fit at work. The general manager told officers that he asked the employee to leave the store and the kid started throwing food items all over the place. The irate employee reportedly threw beverages, meats, vegetables, dairy and salsa around the interior of the store, damaging a hanging light and the cash register. At least one customer in line was probably thinking: "I hope that's not my burrito he's making back there."

Return to Sender: A 35-year-old woman called police after someone stole two of her rental movies while she was grocery shopping. She told officers that she got two movies, Twilight and a Thomas the Engine selection, from a Redbox kiosk on her way into the store and someone stole them from her cart. She received an e-mail from Redbox saying that someone returned the Thomas movie to a different location but she is still responsible for the Twilight movie. I'm sure the thieves decided the flick with the best acting should be returned so it can be viewed again.

Spittin' Game: A 21-year-old woman called police after being threatened and sexually harassed by an unknown suspect. The suspect texted her five times one morning and stated: "When are you gonna give me some of that wet pussy? I'm coming to your momma's house to get some. When I come to work, I'm going to kick your ass." I'm hoping a well-meaning friend didn't show up at her mom's house to see how she was doing, only to get jumped on by 10 police officers.

Silent Night: A 70-year-old man called police after his car was burglarized while he was at home. He told officers that the suspect somehow gained entry into his car and stole his hearing aids. Nothing else was stolen. He doesn't know who did it, but he was very broken up about it. I'm sure listening to the new Kanye West CD is the only reason he even drives around in his car anymore.

Paparazzi: A 33-year-old woman called police after another woman she knows began acting very strangely. She told officers that the woman has repeatedly shown up in the parking garage at her place of employment. The suspect apparently pulls up beside her and photographs her while she enters her car. The victim said she has received occasional calls and e-mails from the suspect but became very alarmed when the suspect blocked her car in with her own vehicle last week.

Blood Boiling: A 29-year-old employee of a plasma donation center had to call police after a man went crazy inside the facility and assaulted her. She told officers the man had been in the center before but was denied for medical reasons. When the employee started looking through his previous files, he became irate and attempted to grab the files. The suspect then pushed the woman up against the wall by her shoulders; he attempted to punch her in the face, but she ducked the blow and he ended up hitting the wall. He then left the building, heading in an unknown direction. Pretty dumb move — especially since the dude left with his victim holding all the information you could need about a person in her hands.

Hitch A Ride: A young female driver was arrested last week for endangering the lives of children. The report states that she allowed several juveniles to ride on the hood of her car on a public road. I could see this happening in a horrible movie. "But Mom, I don't wanna take Tommy to the mall. He stinks because he never showers." Then the mom says, "Figure it out." I think I'm going to get to work on this screenplay.

One Stone: A 21-year-old woman called police after being threatened and harassed by a mentally deranged man. She told officers the man called her 134 times in two weeks and made statements like, "I'll find you all. I will kill two sluts with one stone. You're all dead. I'll make you cry because I'm getting my revenge you better believe it. I'm going to have you screaming. Nobody fucks with me. You're going to die bitch." And that's not even the "Threat of the Week."

Threat of the Week: A 24-year-old woman called police after being threatened by someone who should be castrated. She told officers that the man called her 260 times and sent her 130 texts in a two-week period. The suspect, who is angry at the victim because she won't answer his phone calls, stated, "You are going to get raped by six niggas with HIV. I'm going to give you a matching scar just like the one on my face, see you soon bitch. You are dead, don't come back to the Q.C. or I will kill you." Now that is the "Threat of the Week."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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