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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Sore Winner: A 31-year-old man called police after he was assaulted by his roommate. The victim told officers the suspect got upset after losing in a game of basketball and punched him in the nose. When asked if he wanted to press charges on his friend, the victim said they were going to have a footrace to figure it out. (OK, not really.)

Behind the Times: A 19-year-old woman called police after being threatened via the Internet. She told officers the suspect left a message on her MySpace page that stated, "I will find you and have my brother beat your ass." Then when she saw the suspect the next day she said, "I will spit in your face." You should spit in her face just for the fact that she still uses MySpace. LOL.

Chemical Warfare: After making voluntary contact with a man in northwest Charlotte, police asked for and gained permission to search his vehicle for drugs, weapons or other illegal items. In a red bag on the floorboard they found a plastic bong, a military-issue canteen used as a bong and a military-issue gas mask used to smoke marijuana. When they asked the man where he served, he said that he forgot.

Bad Manners: A 46-year-old man called police after being threatened in the parking lot of an auto body shop on Independence Boulevard. The man told officers that he called a male customer at the shop "rude," and the man replied by stating: "I will take a gun and shoot you in the head. If I ever see you, I will shoot you in the head."

R. Kelly: A 46-year-old woman called police after she was physically and emotionally abused by a man. She told officers that, following an argument with the man, he shoved her in the closet, locking it behind him. The woman was able to break out, but not until she was already in the closet for 12 hours.

Busy Man: A 45-year-old man called police after being threatened by a man who has one major connection. He told officers the man saw him and said, "I am going to get J. to kill you as soon as I can get in contact with him." Just knock on his door three times and say Swordfish.

Dude ...: A 29-year-old man found no other alternative than to call the police after misplacing his car in south Charlotte last week. He told officers that at some point during the week, he became so intoxicated that he forgot where he put his car. After spending the next three days searching for the car and not finding it, he decided it must have been stolen. Have you checked the bottom of nearby rivers and lakes? Did you wake up wet?

Model Father: Police were called to an 8-year-old girl's home after she let it slip that her father was helping her study for a very important upcoming test. The girl told her mother that while she was traveling with her father he told her, "If you don't lie when DSS questions you, I will beat you." Because good parents teach their kids that a little white lie never hurt anyone.

Haunting Dreams: A 22-year-old man called police after a man threatened him in his neighborhood. He told officers that the man said, "I am going to bring some niggas to your house and shoot the house up. I will see you at the grave." I don't think that's a very smart place to be hanging out in the first place.

Haunting Dreams Part II: A 25-year-old man called police after he was threatened by a man over the phone repeatedly. He told officers the man called him at least 20 times and at one point stated, "That's how you want to play, I am going to meet you at the graveyard. I am going to kill you." What is this graveyard place where all the beef is settled? Is it like "Welcome to the Thunderdome"? I want tickets.

Friendly Roommate: A police officer was dispatched to a house in the University area due to a call about a disturbance. When he arrived, the witness told him that the suspect had been smoking marijuana in his bedroom all day long. What's the problem? Tell him to turn down his Dave Matthews Band iTunes marathon, and we'll all live to see another day.

Threat of the Week: A 27-year-old woman called police after suffering a terrifying night at her own shindig. She told officers that she was throwing a party when a man in attendance started talking derogatorily toward her. When she told him to shut up, he grabbed her and choked her against a wall. He then pulled up his shirt to reveal a firearm and stated, "You go ahead and move. I will shoot you bitch. I won't kill you, but I will paralyze your fucking ass." The victim left Charlotte shortly after and is afraid to come back home. Who invited Mr. Buzz Kill?

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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