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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Hissy Fit: A 22-year-old woman called police after her clearly unstable boyfriend assaulted her. The man became enraged one day last week and started throwing and breaking things around the house. The woman went outside to call for help and then went inside to attempt to get her children out. The suspect threatened to shoot the woman and threw a large toy truck at her. He then attempted to slam the windows shut on her fingers. The suspect finally left but hadn't quite finished his rampage. He got into the victim's car with her purse and wallet and then tried hitting her with the vehicle while she stood in the front yard. I swear, Tar Heels fans don't know how to act when their team loses.

Laser Show: A 49-year-old couple called police one morning after they were harassed by neighbors. The man told police that unknown people were using ultrasonic sounds and infrared beams to harass him and his wife. The call was made to police at 6 a.m. Drugs can be fun until you take too much ... then bad things start happening.

Clean You Up: A 44-year-old woman called police after she was threatened by a known suspect. A witness told officers that the two ladies were in the Intensive Care Unit at Carolinas Medical Center when the suspect threatened the victim by stating: "If you come outside, I'm going to kick your behind and beat the mess out of you." No need to have someone beat the mess out of you — just get an enema while you're at the hospital.

Hydroplane: A 42-year-old woman filed a police report shortly after being assaulted by a known suspect, as they rode in her car together. She told officers that she was driving her two friends around when she got into an argument with one of them. The suspect struck her on the left side of her face, threw beer on her and spit in her face. What a way to waste a perfectly good can of beer.

Sipping Bubbly: Police responded to a call at a local Relax Inn last week after a woman tried to commit suicide. The woman attempted to kill herself in her room by drinking two cups of hydrogen peroxide and cutting herself. The woman suffered minor injuries and was transported voluntarily to the hospital.

Missing You: A 28-year-old man called police to report that his wife was missing. He told officers that his wife is constantly going back and forth from the United States to Vietnam while he takes care of their kids. He said that he doesn't believe anything is actually wrong with his wife, but she has been gone for several months now and he would simply feel better by reporting her missing.

Poppin': A school resource officer was approached by a student at Spaugh Middle School last week after the student witnessed a few of his classmates messing with prescription pills that weren't prescribed to them. The students were found to be in possession of Prezista, Truvada and Norvir, all medicines used to treat HIV.

The Recession: A 16-year-old boy called police after he was threatened by an older man. He told officers the man called him and said: "I'll shoot you in your fucking head. I'm going to come to your home and to your job. I am going to send my nephews to your work." That said, his nephews probably didn't want anything to do with the victim's impending death; they may just need a job.

Smart Move: Police responded to an "assist medic" call, only to find a woman who needs to be treated the way the poor girl in an earlier Blotter tale was treated. Officers found a woman who was visibly pregnant passed out on the side of a building next to an empty 3M dust remover can that she had been huffing all night. The unconscious woman was transported to the hospital and found to be in illegal possession of prescription pills. She was arrested as soon as she was treated.

Quality Time: A 27-year-old woman called police after her baby's daddy kidnapped their mutual child. She told officers that the man began banging on the door late one night and when she approached the door, he kicked it in. He then threw the victim down in the kitchen and smashed her cell phone before leaving with their 4-year-old daughter. Maybe he took her to get ice cream. Then again, maybe not.

Threat of the Week: A 20-year-old woman called police last week after being threatened by a pregnant peer. She told officers the suspect made several calls to her phone to harass her and when she finally answered, the woman said, "Bitch, I'm going to fuck you up when I see you — after I have my baby."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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