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Devil Child: A 38-year-old man called police after a juvenile delinquent vandalized his car in the parking lot of his apartment building. The victim told officers that a 3-year-old child climbed on to the top of his car's hood and began wreaking havoc. The kid scratched the paint on the hood of his car and bent the windshield wiper until it broke. The kid's grandmother only agreed to pay for the windshield wiper. Now I know why the youngster's real parents pawned him off on the grandma.
George Washington: A 30-year-old woman went to police last week after someone stole some things from her backyard. She told officers that an unknown suspect stole a pear tree and a peach tree from her backyard by cutting them both down overnight, leaving nothing but stumps. Why pay for the cow when you can surgically remove the utters for free?
Violent Games: A 34-year-old woman called police last week after being assaulted by a man she's been dating. She told officers that the man head-butted her in the forehead and then pushed his forearm into her lip. She explained that this occurred during an argument the couple was having about the suspect playing a video game that she did not want him to play. I tried telling people months ago that Angry Birds was tearing at the moral fabric of America.
Hit Squad: A 39-year-old man filed a police report after he was threatened by a woman he had been dating for a short period of time. He told officers that the woman called him 15 times and left voice mail mesages that said things such as: "I'm gonna have my brother and people come over to beat you up. If they shoot you, then oh well."
Text Message: A 30-year-old woman called police after her car was vandalized by an unknown suspect. She told officers that in the 45 minutes she was away from her car one afternoon shopping, someone scratched the word "Hi" into her vehicle's paint job.
Oedipus: A 29-year-old woman called police after she was assaulted. She told officers that her son walked into her room and found her passed out and bleeding from the mouth. Neither she nor her son remembers what happened but the husband was nowhere to be found.
Name Tags: A 40-year-old woman called police after she was threatened by two known suspects. She told officers that she saw the two men and one stated: "I have a bullet with your name on it." The other then told her, "I am going to shoot you." That part was kind of obvious when the first guy spoke, wingman — but thanks for the clarification.
Dewey Decimal: A woman filed a police report after she was accosted at the library. The victim told officers that she was browsing in the main branch of the Charlotte Mecklenburg Library when a man exposed his penis to her. Her response to that act of exhibitionism was to simply tell the man that he was in the "Epics" section, and that he belonged with the "Short Stories." OK ... just kidding about that last part.
What a Pussy: A 31-year-old woman called police after reading some threatening e-mails from a known suspect. She told officers that a man sent her family harassing e-mails that also threatened the well-being of her cat. If that's all this creep has to go after then you seriously need to get out in the dating world.
I Pinch: A 41-year-old man called police after he felt he was mistreated by employees of a local Compare Foods. He told officers that a security guard at the grocery store assaulted him by pushing him out of the door with one hand. The "victim" in this case explained to police that he was assaulted for complaining about the price of lobster and had simply asked to speak to the manager. You're buying your lobster from Compare Foods? It better be one hell of a sale.
Toll Free: A 30-year-old woman called police after receiving several harassing phone calls from an unknown suspect. She told officers that a man called three times in five minutes from a private number and "sounded like he was gratifying himself." Don't worry — he probably won't be ready to call back for at least 30 minutes.
Threat of the Week: An employee of the Mecklenburg County Youth and Family Services Division filed a police report after one of her clients threatened her. She told officers she'd heard from a third party that the man had stated: "I'm gonna get a gun and shoot the social worker that did this to me." Later on in the week the man saw her at her office and told her, "You are dead, bitch!" I'm going to go out on a limb and say that calling the cops was the right thing to do.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.
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Calendar
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St. Stephen Treasure Sale @ St. Stephen United Methodist Church
- Fri., June 13, 9 a.m.-2 p.m.
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Improv Game Night @ CATCh
- Fri., June 13, 7-9:30 p.m.
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Tantra Speed Date® - Charlotte! Meet Singles Speed Dating @ YogaSix Ballantyne
- Fri., June 13, 7-10 p.m.
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Coveted Luxury Watches
- Mondays-Fridays, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. Continues through Dec. 30
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AllMachines - Forklifts
- Through Dec. 30, 12-6 p.m.
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Fall Books
NC Lit Talent On ParadeCL Carolina Writers Night brings McCorkle, Gurganus and more
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Summer Happenings
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Homer's night on the town 41
If you drank a shot with the Knights mascot on Sept. 20, you were basically harboring a fugitive
