July 05, 2011 News & Views » The Blotter

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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

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Pot Heads: Police responded to a domestic disturbance call last week to find a man and a woman who were ... domestically disturbed. According to accounts given by both parties, the 30-year-old female threw a pot at her 31-year-old spouse's head during an argument. The pot missed — and the man choked his girlfriend as soon as it did. During the investigation, police found a marijuana grinder on the table and the man confessed that it belonged to him. I thought weed was supposed to make people feel mellow.

Shooting Blanks: Police responded to a call about a shooting in west Charlotte to find the 26-year-old victim a little dazed and confused. The man told officers that an unknown suspect fired a gun at him and the bullet struck him on the right ear and lower right skull directly behind his ear. He was unable to tell police exactly where he was when the shooting took place — not because he was attempting to hide anything but because he was just shot in the head. How much would you remember?

Chinese Torture: A 57-year-old man called police and medics after being assaulted in the University area last week. Before being brought to the hospital, he was able to tell officers that his wife cut him on the leg with a knife, struck him in the face with her open hand and shot him in the leg with a BB gun. Pick a weapon and stick with it, woman.

Hot Mess: A man was arrested for Second Degree Trespassing last week after refusing to leave his favorite establishment. The man was told several times by a Sheriff Department Deputy to leave the IHOP on Woodlawn Road but would not do so. He was then taken into custody. Just go to Waffle House next time; that place was made for IHOP rejects.

Vacation: A worried mother filed a missing persons report last week after her 15-year-old daughter ran away. She told officers that the girl left in the evening shortly after being told she was grounded for the week.

F*** The Police: A 16-year-old boy was arrested near the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department downtown last week after throwing a rock through the front door glass into the lobby. This was the same lobby I spend about an hour in every week shuffling through police reports, and only a day before I was there. Assassination attempt? I'm not going to rule it out.

Businesswoman: A 23-year-old woman called police after being assaulted by her own mother last week. She told officers that her mom pushed her and then "struck her about the front and back of her head with her open hands and closed fists." The victim told police that after the assault, her mother took her television from the residence and stated she was going somewhere to sell it. It's time she got something in return for all those Christmas presents she bought you over the years.

Point Him Out: A 27-year-old man called police after his life was threatened in his apartment complex last week. The man told officers that the suspect pointed a gun at him for no apparent reason. The suspect was then found to be in possession of the gun and was charged with assault by pointing a gun, carrying a concealed weapon and contributing to the neglect of a minor. The minor-related charge came when the man had his 11-year-old son sit on the loaded handgun while police questioned him. Give this kid a raise in allowance.

Clean Up Your Act: Police responded to an assault call near Uptown last week and found a 26-year-old woman who had been beaten up by her roommate. The victim told officers that the suspect began yelling at her about cleaning up the apartment and then attacked her. The suspect slammed the front door on the victim's arm and then grabbed her by the other arm to bring her back inside. Look at you bleeding everywhere. I swear, you are a mess.

Abortive Mission: A 20-year-old woman filed an online police report last week after being threatened by two known suspects multiple times. The victim stated that she received several texts from the suspects, and one of them read, "I will light you and your car up. I will kill your bitch ass. I will kill you and your unborn son." You have to try a little harder than that to be the "Threat of the Week."

Threat of the Week: A 56-year-old woman filed a police report after receiving some very specific threats from a known suspect last week. The victim told officers that she saw the suspect, and he yelled, "I am going to kill you and your son. I am going to cut you and your son's neck and bury both of you in the woods behind Newberry Street. You will never live to see me in court." I hear there are still a few beautiful cemetery plots available in those woods.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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