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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Sept. 6) 

Moving-out sale: A 34-year-old woman filed a police report when she realized someone had put words in her mouth. She told officers that a person she knew placed an ad on Craigslist, stating that the woman would have sex with a man if he helped her move out of her apartment. The woman had no idea the ad was placed until she started receiving calls. "Yes, I am responding to your offer on Craigslist. Please send pics of your, umm... furniture."

Birthday Surprise: A 51-year-old man filed a police report after realizing a neighbor had stolen his mail. The victim told officers that someone had accidentally sent his birthday card, with photographs and $25 cash inside, to the wrong address. Now, the neighbor who received it refuses to give the man his rightful gifts. Wait — did someone inadvertently transpose the age on this report? I think they meant 15.

Thrill Ride: A 53-year-old man called police last week after being assaulted by one of his employees. The man told officers he had just fired the suspect from his job at Carowinds when the man became irate and began pushing him and hitting him. The lesson: Don't mess with a worker so passionate about deciding whether someone is tall enough to ride Drop Zone.

Keep the scary dog: A 40-year-old woman filed a police report after one of her dogs was stolen from her yard. She told officers that someone came into her fenced-in backyard and took a large German Shepherd from its kennel. The thief gingerly left behind a pit bull in the same kennel.

LET THE OLD Dog GO: A 36-year-old woman called police when she realized a dog had been stolen from her yard. (We know, this is sounding redundant. Bear with us.) She told officers that at some time during the day someone stole her large red statue of a dog holding a basket. She said the statue already had a large crack in it. Lady: Maybe it's time for a new dog — one that can do more than just hold a basket.

Nicotine Fiend: A 31-year-old man called police after realizing someone had stolen his sunglasses, cigarettes and pain pills. He told officers the suspect had broken into his Honda Civic at some point during the night and taken his prescription medication and pack of cigs with five left. OK, just for the record: This victim is now jonesing and may himself appear in next week's Blotter.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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