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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Iced: An employee at a local Kangaroo Express gas station called police after someone decided a bag of ice wouldn't be enough to cool down their refreshments. Unknown suspects apparently took the entire $4,000 machine. It has "Reddy Ice" on the front, in case you see it in your buddy's house.

Thirsty: A 35-year-old man was robbed of his hooch last week in northeast Charlotte. The victim told police that two unknown men came up to him while he was drinking a pint of liquor on Milton Road. One of the suspects picked up a brick and hit the man in the face with it, while the other grabbed the bottle. Both men took off running. The victim suffered only a minor injury — if you don't count the DTs he'd suffer later on.

Ah, Push It: A very stupid man got caught in a predicament last week while trying to steal a teenager's car. The 19-year-old victim said the unknown suspect attempted to take his Honda Del Sol, which would not run. The suspect pushed the car down the street before accidentally pushing it straight into a ditch. The suspect then took off, leaving the car where it was. It may have been a slow-moving crash, but it caused $750 worth of damage.

Clean heist: Police responded to a shoplifting call at CVS on Trade Street last week after a suspect nearly cleaned out the store's shampoo stock. Employees told officers the man made off with seven bottles of the stuff, at a value of almost $50. What, no soap?

Fear and Loathing: A man was stopped near Eastway Drive last week on suspicion of driving while impaired, but police seized a stash that would make the late gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson proud: a revolver, a .45 caliber handgun, ammunition, marijuana, lithium, Xanax and Hydrocodone pills. We're not sure, but we guess the guy may have been arriving early to cover the Democratic National Convention.

jacked: A 45-year-old man called police after being car-jacked on Church Street last week — on a Moped. The man said he was standing near his scooter when two men came up and asked for a cigarette. When the victim denied them, one of the men punched him in the mouth and demanded his Moped. When the victim, who had been drinking, put up a fight, one of the men pulled a knife on him. The victim gave up his Moped.

Small Problem: A 31-year-old woman called police last week after she saw a man with no pants wandering around McAlpine Park. The incident happened at 3 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, yet the woman told police she was not able to see the man's penis.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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