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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (August 25) 

Clean up your act

Laundered Goods A thief was probably hoping for a tablet or some other valuable goods when they broke into a car and stole a suitcase near the airport last week. A 46-year-old man reported that someone had used a pry tool to break into his rental vehicle and make off with a suitcase. The man told police that there was nothing in the suitcase except the dirty clothes that he wore during a recent three-week trip.

Nailed It It's usual for people to shoplift by shoving things down their pants, but it's important that one is careful about what they're putting down there. Last week at a Home Depot in east Charlotte, a customer reported seeing someone get gutsy with their stolen goods. The customer told employees that she saw a man put a nail gun down the front of his pants and walk out of the store, hopefully very slow.

Locked Out A 37-year-old woman was late into work last week after a vandal obstructed her access to her car. The woman filed a police report stating that some unknown suspect had glued the doors of her car shut overnight.

Vacancy A man didn't take the news well at Carolinas Medical Center – Main last week when hospital staff told him he wouldn't be going home anytime soon. According to the police report, the 59-year-old man was told he would not be discharged "due to his mental state," but they didn't do much to enforce this decision, as the man simply got up and left against all suggestions that he not do so.

Hammer Time Another man at Novant Health Presbyterian Medical Center in Elizabeth can take the above-mentioned man's spot after an episode he carried out at the hospital last week. According to the police report, a man entered the emergency room with a hammer and began threatening to hit a Presbyterian Police officer. The police subdued the man, but not before he bit one of the officers.

Poison Control It's well known in the community of toxic mixers that you just don't leave your toxic mixture laying around where anyone can get to it. Yet that's exactly what happened in east Charlotte last week. According to a police report that creates more questions than it answers, someone called 911 when a 20-year-old woman "unintentionally drank a toxic mixture."

Hoarder A man in west Charlotte must not be used to hearing "No" very often, as hearing the word last week sent him into a hissy fit that ended in hundreds of dollars of damage to city property. A CATS bus driver told police that she told the man he couldn't keep a bus pass that had been fully used, and at hearing this, the man kicked the door of the bus, shattering it completely.

Selfie Smash Up A 15-year-old girl's mother went to police last week after her daughter's bullies made themselves easy to catch. The woman told officers that a group of kids destroyed her daughter's cellphone. She knew it was them, because the not-so-smart children posted videos of them shattering the phone on social media.

Threat of the Week A Ballantyne woman found out just how her neighbor feels about her dog last week in no uncertain terms. The woman told police that the neighbor approached her while she was walking her service dog and yelled, "Your damn dog barks all the time. I will kill your fucking stank-ass and your stank-ass dog."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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