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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Sept. 15) 

Worst in flight

Flying Coach We're all familiar with airplane clichés; it's everyone's nightmare to get stuck on a long flight sitting next to an annoying stranger, a crying baby or Hillary Clinton in a coughing fit. But one 22-year-old woman flying from Miami to Charlotte last week got perhaps the worst type of neighbor: the pickpocket. When the woman arrived in Charlotte she told police that someone had stolen her wallet containing $200 in cash and her passport. She said a man kept bumping into her while standing behind her in the aisle and then sat next to her for the entire flight, at which time she believes he stole her belongings.

Toss Salad What's a juvenile delinquent to do when there's no car in the driveway to vandalize? Why, vandalize the driveway of course. In what has long been a typical south Charlotte crime report, a 48-year-old man living in the Providence Plantation neighborhood called police after some young miscreants damaged his property. Officers responded and found that someone had poured cooking oil onto the man's driveway, causing stains. Then the suspect(s) dumped a carton of eggs and a bottle of ranch dressing onto his porch and discarded the containers in his driveway before departing.

Loaves & Fishes A thief who missed church on Sunday last week decided he needed to get his communion. The man broke into Sarang Church of Charlotte in northeast Charlotte at around midnight on Monday morning and stole nothing but bread and juice. No word on whether it had yet been turned into Christ's body and blood or how that works in this situation.

Pissed Off An east Charlotte man made it known last week that he does not like to be disturbed while using the restroom ... in public. A CMPD officer wrote in a report that the suspect exposed himself in public in the presence of multiple police officers in order to urinate on a sidewalk. When he was told to put it away, he threatened one officer, stating that he would punch him in the face. He followed through on that threat, punching one officer in the left cheek. He then resisted being handcuffed and, during the ensuing struggle, allegedly assaulted yet another officer by placing her in a chokehold.

Not Quick Enough Hanging around for a tip may have cost one delivery driver in north Charlotte last week. A Domino's pizza guy called police after he says someone rummaged through his car while it sat in a customer's driveway in the short time it took him to deliver a pizza to the door. The quick crook made off with a $250 Samsung Note 4 cellphone.

Scribble Sweet Nothings A 40-year-old woman turned to police last week after being left a love note by some misguided Cupid. Police responded to a stalking call in east Charlotte after the woman came out to her car after eating at an IHOP only to find that someone had left her a note "professing his affection for her," according to the report. The woman told police she called them because she is married and "was disturbed by the letter."

Take What You Can A thief who broke into a north Charlotte hair salon last week didn't get what they came for, but they made sure they'd get a meal ticket out of their heist. According to the report, someone broke into Elom's African Hair Braiding one evening and made off with only $1 in cash, as well as a leftover plate of seafood that was in the store.

Gender Binary While most women are rightfully weary of walking alone on city streets at night, one woman set out last week to break the glass ceiling and flip the script on an unexpecting man. The 41-year-old victim told police he was walking down The Plaza just after 11:30 p.m. when the woman, who was coming in the opposite direction, suddenly pulled out a knife and demanded his money. He handed the money over and watched as she made her escape on foot.

Emergency Exit A teenager learned his lesson about taking the stairs last weekend after his alternative route didn't work out. Officers responded to a Medic call for service just outside of Uptown to find a 16-year-old boy with an injured finger. The boy told police and Medic that he had hurt his finger while jumping from the second floor balcony in an attempt to exit the building.

For Harambe A 54-year-old woman called police after someone had apparently decided to cool off last week by taking everything off. The south Charlotte woman told police that she heard something on her deck and when she went to check it out, she saw a naked man jump off her patio steps and run off into the woods. And here y'all are looking for some clowns.

Go To Your Rooms Two guys in northwest Charlotte will hopefully be rethinking where they sleep after both were robbed blind early in the morning last week while trying to get some shut-eye. A 21-year-old man and his 17-year-old brother told police that they were both asleep in the driveway of their residence when some unknown suspect must have stolen each of their phones.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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