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Bizzare crime from Charlotte police files (Sept. 8) 

On your mark

Ready Set Go While it's normal to see firearms stolen during car break-ins on a daily basis in this city (seriously people, they can't be used for protection when you're leaving them in your car every night) one car thief in south Charlotte will be disappointed if he tries to use the gun he made off with last week. A 67-year-old man called police after someone stole his Hyundai Sonata, and he informed the officers that sitting in the backseat was a starter pistol used for track and field races.

New Age If anyone would have broken into my lunch box at school when I was 12 years old, the best they could've gotten was a YooHoo. That's not the case anymore apparently, as a parent of a student at Alexander Graham Middle School recently filed a report stating that someone opened her young son's lunchbox when it was left unattended and stole a $600 iPhone 6 out of it.

Truther A man made a tired mistake on a city bus last week, and will now have paperwork hell to pay for it. The man filed a police report stating that he set his birth certificate on the seat next to him and fell asleep while riding through Uptown on a CATS bus and when he woke up, it was gone.

Bigger Fish A recent raid by the CMPD vice squad on a house in southwest Charlotte probably didn't go quite as well as detectives thought it would, unless they are carrying out raids now for a single joint. According to the police report, officers conducted a search warrant on a suspect's home and found two rifles — although it doesn't state that the suspect was a felon or otherwise banned from carrying guns — and a single gram of marijuana. Street value? A cool 10 bucks.

Pension They say money doesn't grow on trees, but it can be printed on paper, as one employee at a local Circle K recently found out. Management at the store called police after realizing that thousands of dollars had gone missing from its coffers. After looking back at the tape, they found that one of the store's employees had printed money orders to herself to the tune of $5,450 before leaving on a recent day. Unsurprisingly, the suspect had not returned for any of her shifts since.

Spend It to Make It While it's often sad to see the city's elderly fall victim to elaborate — or often quite simple — scams targeting their wallets, when you come across a 20-something falling for the same silly tricks, you can just shake your head. One 29-year-old man in the University area fell victim to a scam artist last week who told him that, and I quote because I still feel like I'm missing something here, "once the victim transferred money to the suspect that the suspect would then make a loan back to the victim." It's unclear why anyone would want a loan of their own money, but it didn't matter, because the suspect got the transfer and cut off all communication.

Fast Cash Another young man fell victim to a scam artist in east Charlotte last week and didn't even know it until he checked his account. The man told police that the suspect offered him $20 to cash a check at Fifth Third Bank using his account. The man gave him two checks and he cashed them, handing the money over to the suspect and keeping his $20. However, when he later checked his account and found it to be in the negative, he learned that the checks were fraudulent, and that the money he had taken out and handed over to the man was really all his money.

Hit and Run A man's attempt to get a free car wash last week quickly turned into an incident in which he was able to rack up all sorts of more serious charges. Management at Auto Bell on North Tryon Street said a man attempted to pay for his wash with a fake credit card. When he was confronted about this he became combative, pushing two men, including a police officer who was on the scene. In his attempts to flee, the man then attempted to steal another customer's car as it sat drying on the lot before he was apprehended.

Tough Guy A customer at Harris Teeter in Plaza Midwood recently went off on one of the store's employees, then preceded to contradict himself in an attempt to look cool. According to the report, the man told an employee he would show him how tough he is, then picked up a nearby piece of wood and held it as if he was going to hit someone with it, instead of, you know, being tough.

Child Locks A 22-year-old woman arrived at her destination in west Charlotte last week and learned that she had been robbed blind during the drive, or something like that. The woman filed a report stating that at some point in the drive, her small child sitting in the backseat had gotten a hold of her wallet and thrown it out the window. The wallet contained four debit/credit cards, three social security cards, two work badges (and a partridge in a pear tree?).

Killing Bed Bugs Police officers and the Charlotte Fire Department responded to a call in west Charlotte regarding a 25-year-old man whose mattress was found engulfed in flames outside of his home. That's either very effective pest control or he pissed off the wrong woman.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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