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Non-Muslim chainsaw fan and alleged murderer Gregory Despres

U.S. GUARDS AT CANADIAN BORDER LET IN BUG-EYED GUY WITH KNIVES, A HOMEMADE SWORD, AND A BLOODY CHAINSAW.

Hey, he wasn't carrying a Quran, so we thought he was safe.

CITY COUNCIL CUTS FUNDS FOR SCHOOL CROSSING GUARDS.

What's a dead kid or two as long as we can still spend hundreds of thousands in blackmail money to companies who threaten to leave?

CHARLOTTE PAYS FOR HALL OF FAME, NASCAR GETS THE PROFITS.

Fine print also reveals Charlotte residents will have to take turns carrying out the facility's trash and scrubbing its toilets.

ISRAELI RESEARCHER SAYS JESUS SUCCUMBED TO THE TYPE OF BLOOD CLOT NOW ASSOCIATED WITH LONG-HAUL AIR TRAVEL.

Yeah, that being nailed to a cross in one position is a real bitch. And He didn't even get complimentary pretzels.

2.6 RICHTER SCALE "MICRO QUAKE" RUMBLES IN NC MOUNTAINS.

And we blamed the guy in the next cubicle who had burritos for lunch.

BUSH AND BLAIR SAY THINGS ARE GOING JUST PEACHY IN IRAQ.

As Salon pointed out, it's like the return of Baghdad Bob.

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