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IRANIAN-BORN STUDENT PLOWS SUV INTO CHAPEL HILL CROWD

A gas-guzzling behemoth as an agent of terrorism? Oh, the irony.

NASCAR OFFICIALLY PICKS CHARLOTTE FOR HALL OF FAME

CIAA and NASCAR news all in one week?! The Chamber can now tout uptown for its equal-opportunity boozing.

PAYDAY LENDERS WILL NO LONGER PREY ON POOR IN NORTH CAROLINA

That void will now be filled by the state lottery.

BUSH'S APPROVAL RATING HITS RECORD LOW 34 PERCENT

How depressing -- this means roughly a third of the US population still possesses the IQ of a brick.

TORTURE OF IRAQI PRISONERS CONTINUES, SAYS AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

What? The Bush regime was lying to us when it said something would be done about it?

CRASH STEALS OSCAR FROM BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

The Academy was just trying to humble CL's Matt Brunson, who was otherwise perfect in his picks.

K-FED'S SKILLS TO PAY THE BILLS

Mr. Spears freestyles on latest single: "F--- it, I'm rich for nothing. Tell the media to get off of my d---." Britney, girl, check yo' prenup!

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