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THE INFORMERS The main problem with this awful adaptation of a Bret Easton Ellis novel (co-scripted by the author himself) isn't that Ellis enjoys focusing all his attention on vacuous, detestable people – after all, cinema is full of great Feel-Bad Bummers about life's losers. No, the problem is that he makes his characters boring and their actions pointless, both unpardonable sins in any medium. Set in 1983, this follows the (mis)fortunes of various Los Angelenos whose paths keep crossing. Among the players are a movie executive (Billy Bob Thornton) who returns to his fragile wife (Kim Basinger) even though he still carries a torch for his mistress (Winona Ryder); a coked-up rock star (Mel Raido) constantly sleeping with jailbait (both male and female); a career criminal (Mickey Rourke) who kidnaps a young boy and plans to sell him to the highest bidder (read: wealthiest sexual predator); a lecherous father (singer Chris Isaak) who takes his disgusted son (Lou Taylor Pucci) on vacation to Hawaii, hoping they can tag-team young hotties; and a wealthy layabout (Jon Foster) who engages in threesomes with his girlfriend (Amber Heard) and his best friend (Austin Nichols). Director Gregor Jordan attempts to establish the time frame by occasionally showing 80s-era music videos in the background, but overall, the picture rarely exudes the aura of a past period. The script is equally clubfooted, filled with narcissistic twits who never say or do anything of consequence or interest. The only creative acting comes from singer Isaak, who seems to be the only one having any fun with this thin material. Unfortunately, that's a privilege that won't be shared by anyone shelling out to witness this desultory disaster. *
KNOWING Sober in its intentions but laughable in its execution, this begins promisingly, as a letter written by a little girl in 1959 finds itself, 50 years later, in the hands of John Koestler (Cage), a widowed MIT professor raising his son Caleb (wooden Chandler Canterbury) by himself. Koestler soon figures out that the piece of paper, on which the child scrawled nothing but numbers, foretold all the major disasters of the past five decades (well, all the disasters that resulted in deaths, as it appears the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections were not included). The problem is that three of the prophesied disasters have yet to occur, leaving Koestler in the unenviable position of trying to figure out how to prevent large-scale tragedies. Meanwhile, a group of shadowy figures spend their time trailing Caleb; they're meant to appear menacing, but that's hard to accomplish when they basically all look like Sting impersonators. Knowing was directed by Dark City's Alex Proyas, although it feels like the sort of poorly defined spiritual salve that M. Night Shyamalan concocts in between preening sessions in front of the mirror. But early discussions regarding destiny versus randomness soon get sidestepped for one CGI set-piece after another, most of them hampered by mediocre effects work (and tasteless, too; did we really need to see blood repeatedly splatter on a subway car window as it rams into each successive victim?). Eventually, the film only elicits misplaced chuckles, as awkward acting, lulls in logic, and a cameo appearance by The Fountain's majestic tree combine to make this a movie not worth knowing about, let alone watching. *1/2
MONSTERS VS. ALIENS With a title like Monsters vs. Aliens, the latest animated effort from DreamWorks sounds as if it could match all those Pixar gems in terms of emerging as a toon tale equally likely to entertain the adults as the small fry. After all, what film-lovin' grown-up, specifically one weaned on a steady diet of 50s fantasy flicks playing all night on late-night TV, could resist a movie guaranteed to be crammed with more inside jokes than anybody could reasonably hope to absorb during the initial viewing? Unfortunately, this doesn't come close to fulfilling what appeared to be its lot in (cinematic) life. Sure, there are plenty of bright colors and wacky characters and slapstick antics to amuse the children, but many adults will, to a degree, be left wanting. The monsters, here reconfigured as the good guys, are all based on creatures found in classic sci-fi romps of the 1950s: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, The Blob, The Fly, Creature from the Black Lagoon, and Japan's monster mash (Mothra, Godzilla, etc.). These creations are amusing enough, but what of the alien half of the equation? Where's the savory mix that would pay homage to the E.T.s found in The Thing (from Another World), The Day the Earth Stood Still, This Island Earth – heck, even The Monolith Monsters? Instead, we get one tiresome extraterrestrial megalomaniac (Rainn Wilson), a clear indication that inspiration ran out long before this promising premise was saturated. The film's visual scheme is inventive, but for a movie that had the potential to knock the genre out of this world, the pleasant but frequently pedestrian Monsters vs. Aliens remains too earthbound for its own good. **1/2