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Fetishist has trouble gauging girlfriend's behavior 

Plus a funny family story

I recently told my girlfriend of seven months that I have a foot fetish. I had been trying to tell her for a few months, mostly by dropping subtle hints, but she didn't pick up on it.

Since I told her, she's been asking me hypothetical questions like, "Would you put your thumb up my butt?" I quickly say, "Of course." She comes back with, "Would you poop on me?" I'm a bit slower to answer that question, but I say, "Yes, if that's something you wanted, I would do it." Then she laughs and tells me, "Raise your standards."

I'm confused. Is she secretly into these things and afraid to tell me? (I know the fear one feels about revealing a sexual kink.) She's brought it up more than once.

A part of me is hoping there is something kinky she's after, since it would most definitely free me up to go to town on her feet.

Honestly Into Nasty Things

Kink cards on the table at seven months. Well done, HINT. As for these bizarre conversations ...

Either your girlfriend is worried that you've got kinks you haven't told her about yet or she believes that having a kink means a person has no sexual limits or boundaries at all. Her comment when you indicated that you would shit on her, if that was something she wanted ("Raise your standards"), is a good indication that she's not into shit. She's latching onto worst-kink scenarios, HINT, and seeing if you'll "go there," because it confirms her prejudices about kinky people, i.e., that there's nothing a kinky person won't do.

You didn't do yourself any favors when you agreed to shit on the girlfriend. That won't inspire her to let you go to town on her feet. Instead, HINT, tell your girlfriend she should be thankful she's dating an honest foot fetishist and not a dishonest necrophiliac — lots of men are kinky, your kinks could be worse — and let her know that you're ready, willing, and able to explore her kinks, if she has any, but then list a few of the things you won't do. (Shit on her, for one.)

And when she's finally ready to share her kinks with you, tell her she knows where to find you: on the floor, going to town on her feet.

Your question last week (CL, Feb. 4) from the guy who "stumbled over" his brother's femdom sex blog reminded me of a funny story: My little brother came out to my conservative-but-not-particularly-religious Jewish parents in 1995. It was rough. Our parents refused to help pay for my wedding because I insisted on inviting my brother and his boyfriend.

Mom and Dad are now rightly embarrassed by their behavior and they worship his husband. (It helps that my brother married a doctor — some stereotypes are true.)

Last year, my parents found out that my older brother — their straight son — is kinky. A vindictive ex hacked into his e-mail and sent a letter to everyone in his address book. Big bro has a dungeon, his current girlfriend is his slave, he's made BDSM porn.

The e-mail came with pictures no mother would want to see. Mom, completely distraught, called her gay son: "Why can't Josh have a normal relationship!" she cried. "Like yours!"

So far as Mom is concerned, her gay son is normal and her straight son is a freak. Is that progress, Dan?

Brothers Done Shocking Mom

I don't know if it's progress, BDSM, but it's hilarious. And I trust that you're sticking up for your kinky straight brother now just like you stuck up for your gay brother back in the day.

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