AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS Less an adaptation of Jules Verne's classic novel than a quasi-installment in the Shanghai Noon / Shanghai Knights franchise (Shanghai co-star Owen Wilson even turns up in a bit part), this expensively priced but cheaply realized action yarn finds Jackie Chan playing Lau Xing, a martial arts expert who takes on all villains in an effort to return a jade Buddha statue back to its rightful place in his remote Chinese village. Stranded in London, Lau Xing passes himself off as a French valet named Passepartout and hitches an intercontinental ride with inventor Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan), who has bet the corrupt head (Jim Broadbent) of the Royal Academy of Science that he can travel around... well, you know this part. I'm no fan of the 1956 film version -- one of the Academy's more baffling choices for a Best Picture Oscar -- but that movie was at least a visual treat, and its canny use of cameos managed to snare many of the top names from Old Hollywood (Frank Sinatra, Marlene Dietrich, Buster Keaton). This drab rendition, on the other hand, features cameos by the likes of Rob Schneider and Luke Wilson, and if they're meant to represent the apex of New Hollywood, then let's raze the film capital at our earliest convenience. Everything about this production seems tired, from Chan's fight routines to the soggy humor to the brief visit by Arnold Schwarzenegger, looking rather ghastly as a lecherous Turkish prince sporting skimpy duds, a hideous wig and a jaundiced complexion. 
1/2
DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY Soul Plane didn't do the trick, and Anchorman looks dubious based on that preview. But luckily for devotees of dum-dum cinema, here's Dodgeball to placate the lowest common denominator while also allowing discerning filmgoers to slum in style. Oh, sure, writer-director Rawson Marshall Thurber didn't have to look further than his weather-beaten VHS copy of Animal House for inspiration, and some of the jokes not only thud to the ground but then spend a few uncomfortable seconds writhing in agony. But when it has its game face on, this offers a satisfying number of laughs, characters that we care to follow, and cameo appearances that (in contrast to those in Around the World In 80 Days) are positively inspired. Vince Vaughn, often tagged to play villains, stars as the loser-hero, while Ben Stiller, generally typecast as the amiable nerd, is on board as the preening bad guy; this run of smart casting extends to the supporting ranks, where we find Rip Torn as a dodgeball vet who has to turn Vaughn's band of misfits into a top-notch team before the championship games (telecast on ESPN 8). The unrefined antics include people getting hit in the head with tools ("If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!"), and the fact that one of the teams is called the MILFs (don't ask, don't tell) hints that Thurber originally had an R in mind rather than a PG-13 (I imagine the DVD will feature additional unrated footage). But at a time when many ambitious studio films are aiming high and falling short, here's one that delivers on its low-pressure promise.
THE NOTEBOOK Every summer seriously needs at least one picture to fill that Bridges of Madison County / Ya-Ya Sisterhood slot (otherwise, we'd completely choke on the sweat and testosterone), and this adaptation of Carolina writer Nicholas Sparks' popular weepie arrives as this year's bit of alternative programming. The story is fairly standard stuff that we've seen before in some variation or another: She's young, beautiful and rich, he's young, handsome and poor, and they're forced to contend with obstacles both personal (her disapproving mom) and public (WWII) in order to keep their love alive. Nick Cassavetes is too demure a director to make this pulsate with the proper degree of overriding passion -- as the son of minimalist indie filmmaker John Cassavetes, such instincts probably don't come naturally to him -- and except for a powerful finale that will move anyone who's ever lost someone to Alzheimer's (raising my hand here), the modern-day sequences featuring James Garner and Gena Rowlands feel less like organic storytelling and more like a gimmick. Yet the reason to consider catching this is to watch the terrific performance by Rachel McAdams, whose luminescent work, coupled with her turn as the meanest of the Mean Girls, marks her as a compelling newcomer. McAdams is so vibrant, in fact, that it's easy to overlook the contributions of Ryan Gosling as her soft-spoken sweetheart -- until you realize that he first made a name for himself as the neo-Nazi skinhead in The Believer. 1/2
CURRENT RELEASES
THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK The 2000 sleeper hit Pitch Black turned out to be one of the better Alien rip-offs to hatch over the years, but anyone expecting a repeat of that movie's high level of excitement and imagination will be sorely disappointed by this sequel, which places the character of Riddick (Vin Diesel) in a fantasy tale in the dour Dune/Stargate mold. Deadly dull at the outset -- here's one Diesel-fueled vehicle that's neither fast nor furious -- the picture improves as it progresses, though not enough to warrant two hours of invested time. Diesel's Riddick is part of the problem: An intriguing character when kept in the shadows for much of Pitch Black, he's become infinitely less interesting as an out-and-out action hero.
THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW If anything, this end-of-the-world extravaganza could stand to be stupider. That's not to say that Mensa members will feel mentally stimulated; it's just that when it comes to making a big, loud, occasionally laughable but undeniably fun disaster flick, Roland Emmerich could have taken an extra page or two from the genre pictures that dominated the 70s. The effects are cool and the dialogue terrible, but the cast (Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, etc.) is too respectable -- where are the has-been movie stars, the marginal celebrities, the wooden athletes? The Airport series at least showcased the likes of Charo, Jimmie Walker and Helen Reddy as a singing nun, so clearly, this could have benefited from the presence of, say, Ralph Macchio, Kobe Bryant, Clay Aiken or Michael Jackson as a singing priest. 1/2
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN The third and weakest of the Potter adaptations to date, with the boy wizard (Daniel Radcliffe) squaring off against escaped criminal Sirius Black (Gary Oldman), isn't the darkest as promised; instead, with predictable plot twists and an emphasis on effects over characters, it's often the one most geared toward children. Still, despite its pitfalls, the movie can be recommended on the basis of a pair of considerable strengths: namely, the interplay between its three youthful leads (Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson) and a second half that, with its rapidly escalating dangers and labyrinthine leaps in plot, picks up some much-needed steam and ends the picture on an upward trajectory. 1/2
I'M NOT SCARED This Italian import -- about a 10-year-old boy who befriends a child being held by kidnappers -- sounds like prime fodder for a fast-paced thriller, but the movie is actually something more special: a tender-hearted rumination on the loss of innocence among children once they're confronted by the vices of the adult world. Director Gabriele Salvatores captures the unsullied beauty of nature and the characters' desire to lazily lounge around in its sun-soaked embrace. Yet here there's a pointed dichotomy, as the splendor in the grass is in sharp relief to the deceit, betrayals and broken trust that the boy experiences as he learns that childhood doesn't last forever, parents aren't perfect, and, in the film's memorably staged finale, true friendship can flow from either direction.
SAVED! By trying to be all things to all people, Saved! is doomed to become the sort of movie that ends up not really satisfying anybody. Hard-line Christians will think it goes too far; open-minded Christians will think it doesn't go far enough; and non-Christians will think it doesn't go anywhere at all. The odd thing is that there's probably some measure of truth in all these viewpoints. Set at American Eagle Christian High School, the film casts Donnie Darko's Jena Malone as Mary, a kind-hearted teenager who's ostracized by her friends but accepted by the outsiders after she becomes pregnant. The cast couldn't have been better chosen, and the movie clearly has its heart in the right place. But the moralizing is fuzzy, and the satire runs hot-and-cold. 1/2
SHREK 2 While most sequels slide down that slippery slope of diminishing quality, the eagerly awaited Shrek 2 is on a par with its predecessor. In this outing, newlywed ogres Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) and Fiona (Cameron Diaz), with the self-professed "annoying talking animal sidekick" Donkey (Eddie Murphy) in tow, travel to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away to receive the blessing of Fiona's human parents, King Harold (John Cleese) and Queen Lillian (Julie Andrews). Little kids will enjoy the colorful characters, while older audiences will dig the inspired sight gags and sly references to other films. But the movie's real ace is Puss In Boots (Antonio Banderas), a debonair swashbuckler -- or at least when he's not busy coughing up hairballs. In a movie filled with imaginative bits, he emerges as the cat's meow.
THE STEPFORD WIVES The second version of Ira Levin's novel stars Nicole Kidman and Matthew Broderick as harried New Yorkers who move to a quiet Connecticut suburb where everyone appears to lead happy, stress-free lives. But while he immediately takes to their new surroundings, she becomes suspicious of the fact that the town is comprised of nerds married to beautiful women who will do anything they request. This may well end up being the summer's most ill-conceived movie, a ham-fisted attempt at social commentary further undone by last-minute reshoots that end up contradicting plot points established earlier in the film. Director Frank Oz and writer Paul Rudnick are satisfied to turn this chilling cautionary tale into a swishy camp outing, with more emphasis on snap-finger witticisms and immaculate decor than on anything of substance. 1/2
SUPER SIZE ME Morgan Spurlock decided to eat only McDonald's for a whole month, heading to the Golden Arches for his three squares a day. By the end, he had (among other things) gained 25 pounds and watched his cholesterol skyrocket. Despite the obviousness of its conclusions, this is still an outrageously entertaining documentary that presents its material in such a compelling manner, we often feel like we're hearing its nuggets (McNuggets?) of information for the first time. Spurlock documents all aspects of his experiment, yet he also talks with health advocates and explores the reasons why the fast food industry has become such an integral ingredient in the American lifestyle. This is a movie filled with big laughs, yet even the guffaws don't diminish the periodic bouts of anger, depression and horror we personally experience as we watch a nation eating itself into oblivion. 1/2
THE TERMINAL Steven Spielberg's latest is loosely based on the true story of a man who, because of twisting ribbons of red tape, had to live in an airport after being denied access into any country (including his own). Tom Hanks plays the accidental tourist Viktor Navorski, and as we watch him settle into his new "home," we're delighted by the rich vein of humor and moved by Hanks' compassionate performance. But after a wonderful first half, the movie turns shameless and never lets up. Stanley Tucci plays the paper villain of the piece, a rabid airport official who tracks and torments Viktor as if he were Inspector Javert on the hunt for Jean Valjean; meanwhile, Catherine Zeta-Jones gets unconvincingly shoehorned into the plot as Viktor's nitwit love interest. Arguably Spielberg's least subtle movie, it's still worth a quick glance. 1/2
TROY This liberal retelling of Homer's The Iliad is a big, brawny movie that scores on a handful of levels: as a rousing epic that puts its budget where its mouth is; as a thoughtful tale in which men struggle with issues involving honor, loyalty and bravery; and as a topical treatise on what happens when soldiers blindly follow their leaders into war. Director Wolfgang Petersen never allows the epic to overwhelm the intimate: The battle sequences are staggering to behold, but the talky sequences are equally memorable. As Trojan hero Hector, Eric Bana delivers the best performance, followed by Peter O'Toole as his wise father, King Priam. By comparison, Brad Pitt is never wholly convincing in this ancient setting, but he exhibits enough charisma and resolve to make a passable Achilles. 1/2
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