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Getting Jiggy With Jealousy 

Sometimes, resistance is futile

My present girlfriend had a promiscuous past, and I am completely threatened by her independent sexuality. The thought that she had sex with other guys and girls and enjoyed it drives me crazy. I get totally jealous whenever she talks about old sex partners, particularly the one-night stands -- a type of encounter I've never had -- and I don't know how to deal with it. I need advice. How do you deal with jealousy like this?

Confused And Jealous And Turned On

P.S. An interesting and confusing aspect of this is that I get turned on when she tells me stories of her sexual encounters with other people and I love for her to tell me about them while we fuck.

I saw that postscript coming a mile away, CAJATO. Halfway through your letter, I muttered, "I bet this shit turns him on." As for dealing with your jealousy, it sounds to me like you're dealing with it just fine. Your subconscious has eroticized those feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, turning the lemons of sexual insecurity into the lemonade of a burgeoning sexual kink. Google "cuckold" to get an idea of what you'll be up to in a few years' time.

Oh, and resistance is futile, CAJATO, so you might as well enjoy.

You recently observed that "people tend to write to me when they have problems" ("Wanting The Clap?" Aug. 15), but you've also written that all straight women are reluctant to give head. "[Like] many straight men, [he] doesn't see blowjobs as a pleasurable activity for the blower. That's what a lifetime of getting head from straight women can do to a guy." And where did you get the @&#*^@ idea that straight women don't like giving head? From people with problems who write in to you! Guys married to women who love giving head don't write in and complain! Hello?!

I am a straight woman -- and I love giving head. I love cock. All of my girlfriends love giving head. And we are good at it! So the next time you are tempted to say something based on the information you get from the people with problems who write in to you, ask yourself, "Hmmm. Do I actually know this to be true? Or is it just sexist bullshit?"

This Woman Grooves On The Mouth Feel In Canada

P.S. My sign-off is a mouthful on purpose!

Good points, TWGOTMFIC: I only get letters from straight men with complaints about the head they're not getting and/or the reluctant head they are getting. My sample is hopelessly skewed and I apologize for the crack.

But while we're on the subject, I would like to say this to women who don't give head, or give it badly in hopes of never being asked to give it again, thus prompting their boyfriends and husbands to write me about their problems, thereby hopelessly skewing my sample: You do realize, ladies, that oral-sex-free marriages are reviving the long-moribund institution of "trade," i.e., gay men giving head to straight men? The Internet has made it incredibly easy for straight men to get free, NSA oral sex whenever they like -- provided they're capable of clamping their eyes shut and thinking about pussy while another man goes down on them. And judging from the ads online, more and more straight men are becoming "trade capable" every day.

And, yes, many straight men who complain about not getting blowjobs have only themselves to blame. It's impossible to know just how many orally deprived straight guys would be getting blown -- and blown enthusiastically -- if it weren't for poor personal hygiene, little and/or lousy cunnilingus, and just general assholery, but doubtless it's a significant percentage.

Who the hell wears swim caps anymore? I haven't seen a swim cap in years. That question in your recent column ("Put A Cap On It," Sept. 26) from the swim-cap fetishist getting off on his visits to public pools was bullshit. I would think you, of all people, could see through it.

Sexy St. Louis Girl

Lots of pools require swimmers with long hair to wear caps, SSLG -- but, hey, no need to take my word for it. Google "swim caps" and "required," marvel at the predictable results, and then send me something nice by way of apology.

At least one reader calls bullshit on every letter that appears in this column. My readers -- my sexy, vigilant, whip-smart readers -- need to remember that they're reading heavily edited versions of the questions. I'm forced to trim letters for space and privacy concerns, which can result in the omission of certain corroborating details. So you'll just have to trust me, OK?

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