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History's Written By The Winners 

So how'd this loser get in here?

During a June 16 speech, President Bush sternly dismissed those questioning his decision to invade Iraq: "(T)here are some who would like to rewrite history; revisionist historians is what I like to call them." Boy, our President sure does have a way with words, doesn't he?Interestingly, during his speech, Bush failed to mention Iraq's weapons of mass destruction which, as we know, are poised and ready to attack on 45 minutes notice . . . ah, check that . . . advanced Iraqi weapons development program . . . no, wait . . . developing Iraqi weapons program. Nor did President Anti-Revisionist discuss the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden, Mullah Mohammed Omar, or Saddam Hussein who must all be brought to justice . . . ah, check that . . . who are all irrelevant now that they are no longer in power.

Speaking of the fugitive former Iraqi President, it was announced last week that Central Command in Baghdad will soon begin putting Saddam's picture on the side of goat milk cartons with the caption: "Have you seen me?" in another effort to track him down. Unfortunately, the post-incursion Iraqi economy and infrastructure are so far up Shi'ite's Creek that very few Iraqis can afford to buy milk, even if it were available.President Bush is apparently not alone in his confusion about world affairs. According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, a recent poll showed that one third of the American public believes weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq while 22 percent think Iraq actually used them.The Program on International Policy Attitudes asked the questions during a mid-May poll of 1,256 respondents. The mistaken belief that weapons had been found is "substantially greater among those who favored the war."

In another question, about half of those polled said Iraqis were among the 19 hijackers on September 11. Most of the hijackers were, in fact, Saudis; none were from Iraq. In an ironic bit of statistical synergy, however, almost half of those polled on Election Day in November 2000 thought that Bush should be President.

Finally, Vice President Dick Cheney's former company, Halliburton, was awarded a no-bid, non-competitive contract to restart Iraq's oil production about a month and a half ago. In that time, the cost estimate has ballooned from an initial $76.7 million to $184.7 million, as of last week. A replacement competitive contract, originally planned for August, no longer has a target date for bidding.

When asked to comment, Halliburton spokesman Montgomery J. Burns replied, "Ex-cel-lent!"

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