Dear Karma Cleanser:
My bad thoughts are causing me to have bad karma. It all has to do with my good friend Mikey. We call him "Teeth" behind his back, because he has this really big smile that looks like it's fake, even though it is not.
I have been friends with Teeth for 10 years. He is the kind of friend I see once or twice a month. Lately, he's been wanting to hang more. Calls me a lot last minute to see if I have plans or if I want to go drink with him. I like the guy a lot, but it's just too much.
Recently, I told him I had other plans when he asked me to meet him for drinks. It was a lie. I ended up going out to a bar with other friends -- but then we saw Teeth in the parking lot and I was busted in my lie.
The next day, he called and asked for me to go hang that night. I said I was busy. But that night, my car got sideswiped in a parking lot. The damage is going to cost me about $2,000 to fix and will be in the shop for a month. I think my bad karma caused the car accident. How do I stop this from happening again?
-- Brokedown Roller
Let's start with a basic distinction: It's not your bad thoughts but your questionable actions. Actions are things that actually happened, like telling lies to your "good friend" and giving him the Heisman every time he wants to hang. Sounds like this is a friendship only when it's convenient to you, which is a shameful way to treat anyone. A thoughtful friend returns phone calls, makes times for his buddies and even sometimes has the balls to say, "Dude, you're calling too much! Take it down a notch." As for your car problem, doesn't Teeth have a ride? How about spending some quality time with him in his vehicle until yours is fixed?
Dear Karma Cleanser:
(In response to "Smoothie Queen," April 25): I read your column every Friday. The first entry, from Smoothie Queen, is disconcerting to me. That's because I know that protein shakes do not cause men to get guts. Steroids do. It's called "roid gut." Protein shakes feed muscles, and then, um, exit your body.
Just thought I would let you know, in case you would like to let Smoothie Queen know.
-- Supplemental Input
Thanks for the nutrition lesson, and if you're correct then the Queen has even more reason to dump her meathead boyfriend. However, we should note that we ran the letter by one our gym bunny confidantes, who said that the protein shakes could indeed inflate a guy's spare tire; it just depends on the ingredients. So what do we know? This ain't Men's Health.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
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