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Karma Cleanser 

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I'm trying to be a better person despite my feelings about people. How do I stop being such a mean, cruel, heartless, hateful, distrustful bitch? The only two people I trust or am nice to are God and my mother, much to the dismay of everyone else. And I only talk to my mother to keep her from worrying about me. My brother-in-law and his wife are visiting in a few weeks, and I'm seriously considering throwing a major tantrum just to keep them from staying over.

Is it enough that I know I have a problem? Is it enough that I don't constantly scream and yell at them? I don't attack people or argue with them unnecessarily (I just ignore them and leave the room). But everyone insists on talking to me, hanging around me, and calling me to try to be my buddy. Why don't they just leave me alone? -- Misanthropy Mama

Sister, we hear ya. As friends of the Karma Cleanser can attest, we struggle every day to keep our inner bitch at bay. It's no easy fight, even for an Enlightened One. But consider this: At lest you know you're a bitch. Your karmic salvation lies entirely in the realm of self-control. Learn to manage your reactions to the things that annoy you, and also know your limits. Stay out of situations likely to bring out your hidden She-Hulk. And keep being nice to God. He appreciates it.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
In my last relationship, my boyfriend cut off all contact with one of his closest female friends because of my issues with her. Although she lived out of state, she wrote him letters a few times a month, called him at least once a week and has professed her love for him on more than one occasion. Now that he and I are no longer together, I've felt severe remorse for how he cut her off without an explanation. I wrote her an e-mail explaining the situation, and she was very accepting and gracious. I even gave her an idea of how to get back in contact with him. Now I'm wondering if this will repair my karma despite the fact that it took me three years to get the nerve to contact her?-- Wiser Now

Repair? Let's try rehabilitate. It's hard to erase a cosmic blemish as big as a ruptured friendship, but you certainly deserve kudos for your selfless behavior. If the ex and his pen pal are meant to be together, it'll work itself out. You've done your part, so now let the universe decide their fate.

Been bad? karma@creativeloafing.com.

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