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Letters to the Editor (Feb. 4)
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Zombies in happier days
Dear Editor:
Your society has made it clear that my kind should not speak, but speak I must. It has come to my attention that this fair city I have called home for so many years will very soon be lauding the "artistic works" of a man who has built his career on the exploitation and defamation of my people.
That man is George A. Romero, and my people are the living dead.
The light in which he paints my kind is propaganda of the purest form and has set the fight for zombie rights back countless years. Many of you cannot remember due to Romero's skillful brainwashing, but there was a time in this great nation when the shambling masses were respected and even admired. Humans and zombies were capable of living/un-living together in perfect harmony. I myself was the toast of Hollywood and had quite the promising film career ahead of me. However, 1968 and Mr. Romero's glorified exploitation film The Night of the Living Dead made short work of that.
Its runaway success and odious portrayal of living corpses as mindless, flesh devouring, killing machines completely destroyed our good standing in society. The zombie recession was unbearable for most. With hard times upon us, many lost our way and sadly became exactly what that weaver of lies made us out to be: mindless corpses with no sense of self.
With that in mind you must understand the anger that swelled in my long-rotted heart when I came across the Web site www.zombiestakecharlotte.com. From this site, I find that not only will George A. Romero be coming to the city I love, but that there will also be a three-day Retrospective in his honor. This horrendous idol worship sickens me, and simply put: IT WILL NOT STAND.
This is a call to arms, my undead brothers and sisters! Friday, Feb. 6 our word will be taken to the street! We will march on the Southend and NoDa gallery crawls and make our displeasure known to the masses! More information about the good fight will be available via my blog at ihatezombies.robotjohnson.com. With swift action, I feel we can make this world a better place for all Zombiekind.
Shamble with dignity,
Charles Q. Avery, Esq.
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