December 25, 2002 News & Views » Letters

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Poor Little Tara
Could Tara Servatius have come across more prominently as a big cry baby in her letter to Duke Power? ("Just Say "We're Sorry'," December 18) Sure, Duke holds some responsibility for not cutting some limbs that caused damage in the recent ice storm, but my husband and many of our neighbors are responsible as well, as they chose not to cut limbs overhanging houses, power lines and even my husband's car.

I'd much rather be out of power for a few days every couple of years than to shell out more money for Duke to service every power line per annum. To suggest Duke maintain that kind of work force shows you know little about supply and demand. The need is not there 90 percent of the time, so Duke doesn't supply the staff/budget to do it. If they did, little Tara-Wara wouldn't be able to afford her light bill.

If you really really feel the need to blame someone for the power outage you experienced, you should redirect your "open letter" to God.

Tara-Wara's letter:

"God...I'm trying to put my life back together after 8 days of no power (waaaaaaa!). (Yes, this is what you wrote, dramatic isn't it?) My Christmas money is gone, my tropical fish are dead, my cat is sick, and my body is chapped...etc.

God's response:

"Poor Tara-Wara, doesn't she know that many in the world go without heat in much colder temperatures every day? Poor Tara-Wara, doesn't she know that she didn't have to spend her Christmas money on expensive meals -- a peanut butter sandwich would have sufficed. Poor poor Tara-Wara, she doesn't have any money for Christmas presents and her tropical fish are dead. Doesn't she know that she shouldn't complain, as many don't have enough money for medical care and necessities like food. And doesn't she know that tropical fish belong in the tropics (I thought all tree-hugging liberal democrats knew that!).

"Poor Tara-Wara wants an apology, but you won't get one from me (God)...because ice storms are part of a larger natural cycle called "weather.' Poor Tara-Wara...when the lights come back on in your head, you'll realize life doesn't revolve around you!"

--Jennifer Love Faulkner, Charlotte

GENEALOGY Lesson
Julie Townsend starts her cover story ("Bloodlines") in the December 18 issue by claiming to be Billy Graham's third cousin: "Billy and my grandfather were first cousins." Which makes her and Rev. Billy first cousins twice removed. She and Franklin Graham are second cousins once removed. If Franklin has kids, these offspring and Julie would be third cousins.

Clear as mud?

--Joe Cline, Charlotte

Arresting Saddam
The upcoming War in Iraq II probably would cost $6 billion. I have an alternate spending plan: Arrest Saddam.

"Whoops!" the intelligence/money managers will hoot. "We can't...our intelligence is not that...we don't ever know EXACTLY where...no can do."

Oh, really? For six billion dollars?

And the asshole needs a judgment day. He should, if Justice prevails, be thrown into a rathole with Kissinger and Milosevic, to fight over rotten rat-carcasses for nourishment, and be reminded of the gassing of the Kurds, and the igniting of the oil fields, and the spilling of the filth into the Persian Gulf, and all the rest of the crimes of the paranoid opportunist. So arrest his ass.

But no, that's not popular. The popular thing is to seize the oilfields and kill a bunch of dog soldiers. From the air, and all in the midst of a very hazy war policy, with no stated goals, and which will probably leave Saddam in power and the sanctions which starve Iraqi poor still in place. We won't know because they won't tell us.

And the War on Terrorism? That ended when it became obvious that the investigation of the Money Men, the ones with the check-writing capability, were all Rich International Financiers, with Eurasian credibility, and thus Not To Be Touched, by the standards of the international rich, the Swiss and Cayman banks, or the popular media, either. Seizing more international bank accounts wouldn't be quite sporting now, would it, old boy? Ahem...

And so it goes. For another use of the $6 billion, how about invading Antarctica, and seizing those undeveloped oilfields? America would have just about as many angry international protests, but no one would DIE...

--Russ Newsome, Charlotte

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