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TRAINING DAY What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object? Or, to parlay this eternal conundrum into cinematic terms, what happens when an amazingly versatile actor is forced to share screen time with a performer so immobile, he makes the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey appear as active as a sports bar on Super Bowl Sunday? The answers vary, of course, but in this case, the happy result is that wooden Ethan Hawke was apparently inspired to raise himself out of his career-long slumber and try to keep pace with the extraordinary Denzel Washington. Indeed, the work by both actors is what keeps us watching even after the movie surrounding them falls apart. Washington is especially rivetting as Alonzo Harris, an LA narcotics officer who gives rookie Jake Hoyt (Hawke) one day to see if he has what it takes to work under his command. Jake is thrilled with the opportunity, but he soon realizes that Alonzo's methods, which usually involve bending or breaking the law, fly in the face of his own idealism. Beyond the high-caliber performances, there's a delicious ambiguity in David Ayer's screenplay that suggests Alonzo's dirty deeds might be the only way for a cop to survive on the streets. Unfortunately, somebody connected with the film soon decided that moral uncertainty in a motion picture doesn't allow that popcorn to settle comfortably in the stomach, and what started out as tantalizingly clouded eventually comes into dreary black and white focus, turning the film into a fairly routine (not to mention contrived) police shoot-'em-up. 
1/2
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DON'T SAY A WORD After his daughter gets kidnapped by the usual mix of movie thugs, a New York psychiatrist (Michael Douglas) learns that the only way he'll get her back is by extracting valuable information from the mind of one of his patients (Brittany Murphy), a catatonic woman with a murky past. Murphy's disturbed character is the most interesting one in the film, and this might have worked had it focused on her instead of the dull doctor.
GLITTER Or, A Star Is Stillborn. Outside of some welcome shots of the intact World Trade Center (one of the few films with the smarts to leave them in), there's absolutely nothing of interest in a vanity piece so self-absorbed, it makes Prince's Under the Cherry Moon look like a model of modesty and restraint. In her feature film debut, pop singer Mariah Carey displays all the acting ability of a chia pet.
MY FIRST MISTER One of those heartfelt efforts that means well but plays lamely, this details the platonic relationship that exists between a rebellious 17-year-old (Leelee Sobieski) and a fussy 49-year-old (Albert Brooks). But rather than honestly explore how such an unorthodox friendship might progress, the film cops out by revealing that one of the characters is dying, leading to plenty of scarcely believable Hallmark moments.
SERENDIPITY John Cusack (appealing as always) and Kate Beckinsale (combatting a dopey character) star in this romantic comedy as two people who allow destiny to dictate their relationship. It's a shame the picture's very premise seems forced, because the performances are engaging (Eugene Levy steals it as a terse salesman), the Big Apple ambiance is effective, and the dialogue is extremely sharp. 1/2
ZOOLANDER An imbecilic male model (Ben Stiller) becomes involved with a shadowy cabal that uses imbecilic male models to carry out political assassinations. Stiller also directed, co-wrote and co-produced this hit-and-miss effort, a frequently timid spoof that's surprisingly arid in between the handful of genuinely splendid gags. 1/2
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