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Put A Cap On It 

Plus, no sex means no marriage

I have a swim-cap fetish. I don't know why; it's not like I saw my grandmother bathing with a shower cap on or anything like that. My GGG girlfriend is willing to wear a swim cap during sex, and I think that's wonderful, but it goes beyond that. I go to the pool several times a week on the way home from work. Not because I like swimming or need the exercise, but because I want to see women in swim caps. My girlfriend doesn't know about this; she thinks I am just working late. I feel bad about lying, but I can't bring myself to tell her. Is this cheating?

Swim Caps Are Really Erotic

You're not cheating, SCARE, but you're acting like you are -- and that has to be the dumbest thing you could possibly do. If you lie and sneak around and hide the fact that you've been swimming -- swimming -- then your girlfriend is going to react like you've been cheating on her when she discovers that you've been swimming -- swimming -- behind her back.

Any girlfriend GGG enough to wear a swim cap during sex is going to be GGG enough to let her boyfriend check out other girls in swim caps at the pool. She may laugh and roll her eyes -- with affection, hopefully -- when you ask for her permission, but a little good-natured ribbing from an indulgent partner is a small price to pay.

I have been with my girlfriend for over three years. Our relationship has come to the point where we feel that we should either get married or go our separate ways. She is a great girl: smart, nice, trustworthy. We have a lot of fun together. There's just one problem: She hates sex. In her opinion, "sex isn't supposed to be fun." She also thinks our sex life is fine. But every time we talk about marriage, all I can think about is a lifetime of bad sex!

Not Totally Screwed

Don't marry this woman, NTS. Not unless you want to be sending me a letter like this one in two short years ...

My wife of two years has no interest in sex. My "love life" consists of my right hand and Internet porn. I've tried giving her time without bringing it up, bringing it up, setting the mood with candles, taking care of all the housework, cuddling -- everything. But our sex life is dead like Dillinger. I don't want to DTMFA because we have a kid. But I can't stay in this situation forever. Is there some age at which kids are best able to handle a divorce?

Think About The Child

The literature is all over the place on the least worst time in a child's life for his parents to divorce. If you're sure the sex life is not just really dead but really most sincerely dead -- if it's not hormones or depression or stress -- divorce now and get it over with.

I am a straight female and I've been in a relationship for two years. I am only 20 years old and I want to live my life and not be tied down all the time with some controlling guy. He won't allow me to have friends or talk to anyone, but when I try to break up with him, he cries and promises me he will change and I take him back and we go through the same thing all over again. I don't want to hurt him. I just want out of this relationship. What should I say to him? And how do I deal with the crying and broken promises?

Stuck With Him

Go ahead and hurt the controlling, manipulative piece of shit, SWH; he deserves it. He doesn't let you have friends? He doesn't want you talking to anyone? Those are the early warning signs of an abuser, sister. He's already abusing you emotionally, pummeling you with insincere tears and false promises. And the longer you stay, the greater the odds that he'll start abusing you physically. So dump him already.

And if you can't handle the tears, SWH, don't subject yourself to them. Live together? Pack up when he's at work and move out. Don't live together? Even easier. Just call him and tell him it's over, you're gone, and hang up when he starts crying.

What's the biggest difference between a gay and a straight marriage?

Straight Boy Wants To Know

The only really significant difference, SBWTK, is the likelihood of any given husband hearing these 11 magic words: "Honey, it's been way too long since we had a three-way."

To ask Dan Savage a question, write to mail@savagelove.net.

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