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Risky Business 

You'll get an earful this week

About a year ago, I was pretending to read my boyfriend's mind and jokingly said, "You want to put it in my ear." Since then, I have seen references to ear sex (aural sex?) everywhere! There's even a holiday ("Take It in the Ear Day" on December 8), and I was reading a book just now in which the author mentions how much she hates getting come in her ear. So while I am honestly not trying to yuck someone's yum, I do have two questions. First, is this really a thing? And second, how does it work? I mean, I like it when my boyfriend kisses my ears, but I don't think I'd get that hot from him putting his penis there. It just seems loud. Can you enlighten me?

An Understanding Requested About Listeners

Ear sex is a thing. But we need to distinguish between auralism, AURAL, and an ear fetish.

People into auralism are sexually aroused by sounds -- it could be a voice or music or sex noises. (Sex noises can arouse almost anyone who hears them, of course, so technically we're all auralists.)

An ear fetish, on the other hand, is a kind of partialism, i.e., a sexual interest in one part of the body (often parts not typically found in pants). A foot fetish is a partialism, for example, as is an ear fetish or an armpit fetish.

Most ear fetish stuff — including the thousands of ear fetish videos on YouTube — is about tugging, rubbing, or licking someone's ear and not about fucking someone in the ear or coming in someone's ear canal.

Dicks don't fit in ear canals, and blasting semen into someone's ear could cause a nasty ear infection. So both are risky practices best avoided — but, hey, if PIE (penis in ear) sex is actually a thing, I invite any hardcore ear kinksters out there reading this to write in and explain exactly how that works.

I have a particular fetish that I've never fully disclosed to anybody. My ultimate fantasy is to be stripped of my assets by a woman and then (most importantly) made homeless. I like dressing up dirty -- face, clothing, and all -- and even going so far as to look through garbage cans. My question is this: Is it moral to live out this fantasy, considering the plight of homeless people?

Desiring Interesting Role-Play That's Yucky

I'm not gonna lecture you about how homelessness is a tragedy for individuals and a national crisis that the administration of Orange Julius Caesar is unlikely to prioritize.

Just like AURAL, DIRTY, I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum. But this is definitely a fantasy — morally speaking — that can't be fully realized.

You're turned on by the thought of a cruel woman taking absolutely everything from you and leaving you homeless? Great. Find a woman who's into findom (financial domination) and give her some or most of your money and play dress up on the weekends and sleep in her backyard.

But don't give her everything and actually wind up homeless, DIRTY, because then you'll wind up competing for scarce shelter beds and other resources with men, women, and children who didn't choose to become homeless because it made their dicks hard.

There's nothing moral about making their plight worse than it already is.

Finally, DIRTY, while you're able to fantasize about being stripped of your assets and left homeless, there are real people out there who have nothing and don't find anything about being homelessness arousing.

Want to be poorer? Donate a big chunk of your assets to homeless shelters and/or nonprofits that assist those experiencing homelessness in your area.

Listen to Savage Lovecast every week at; follow @fakedansavage on Twitter;

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