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Selfish husband needs to let wife explore elsewhere 

I've been married four years and have a beautiful baby boy with my husband. I enjoy sex a lot, even a bit of BDSM. My husband, on the other hand, isn't "driven by sex," as he likes to put it, and will try tying me up if that's what I "really want." You'd think if he wasn't driven by sex, the few times we did have sex, he would last for a while, but he lasts at best five minutes. On the occasional blue moon, it'll be about 10 minutes. My problem is, all I can think about is getting fucked by some stranger with no strings attached so I can get rid of this heartbreak, for lack of a better word. But I always back out, because I don't want to risk my family or my husband's happiness. I don't want to be a cheater, Dan, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life having missed out on my "sexual prime" because my husband already experienced his. I should mention that he's 35 and I'm 23. I also have a few poly friends who are kinky, and they preach to me that being monogamous is a mistake and I can seek out kinky play with others without it being sexual. Please be as brutal as possible.

Permission 2 Explore Please

OK, P2EP, you have my permission. Not to explore, as it's not in my power to grant you permission to do that. You have my permission to go and demand permission to explore from your lazy, selfish, inconsiderate husband. Renegotiate your deal. You have needs, they're not being met, and he doesn't seem interested in meeting them. Tell him that you will remain sexually exclusive -- only his cock gets near your holes (for now) -- but you want and need and demand permission to at least explore erotic-but-not-fully-sexual kink with others. Sell it to him as something that relieves him of the burden of having to do this stuff-kink with you and/or feeling bad about not doing this stuff with you.

I am a 22-year-old bisexual male who goes to a small, prestigious liberal-arts college in the Midwest. I've had boyfriends, girlfriends, and one-night stands, but I have never really felt like sex worked out as well as I imagine it could. I have a dominant personality, and people tend to follow me. Perhaps for this reason, I have fetishized submission. I imagine I would be into bondage and domination. I think I am a bit more attracted to women and would love to find a woman who takes a strong, dominant role in our relationship. I feel like I am always expected to make the first move with women, which has led me to prefer hooking up with men. I just wonder if there is anything I could do to find a woman who'd be into dominating me.

I don't really like making the first move, but I've found just waiting and looking pretty doesn't work too well with women. Are there some ladies I could approach, and after the initial flirting, the dynamic would change and they would take the lead? How would I know who these people are?

Not Sure What I Want

There may be one or two young women kicking around your small, prestigious liberal-arts college who fantasize about taking the lead, about tying up and dominating their boyfriends, NSWIW, but they're not going to be tottering around campus in high-heeled boots and latex and leather. And even dominant women who are out tend to observe/succumb to the same cultural norms/practices that you find frustrating, i.e., they expect the male to make the first move, even in kinky environments.

But back to the young women you're likely to encounter at your prestigious college: A lot of women with naturally dominant and/or sadistic streaks -- women who will one day really enjoy BDSM -- don't realize it until that first submissive boyfriend draws it out of them. So if you want to get tied up, pegged, and bossed around while you're at college, NSWIW, you need to be paradoxically assertive about your submissive tendencies. You may have to ask four or five girls, or a dozen, before you hit the jackpot (before you ask a dominant girl), but you will have to take the lead.

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