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Sexual encounters in hotel rooms 

Did they have gay sex? Plus, Dan learns something new.

I (middle-aged, married, straight guy) recently attended a boring business conference where I ran into an old friend (middle-aged, married, straight guy). He came to my room for a moment, noticed a camera on a small tripod on the desk, and asked what I was shooting. Emboldened by a few beers, I told him about my hotel room routine: Shoot myself naked and masturbating then upload pics to an amateur exhibitionist website. Since I had shared my little secret, he shared his: He gets naked in hotel rooms and masturbates while spanking himself with his belt. You can see where this is going. I whacked his ass while he took photos of me. There was no sucking or fucking — no physical contact at all — but his Catholic guilt came out afterward, and he started going on about how he had just had gay sex and cheated on his wife. To me, it was masturbation with a few toys (camera, belt, and, OK, person). So here's the question: Did we have gay sex and cheat on our wives? Or was this just a wank with a few toys?

Spank And Wank

Yes, dear readers, this could be a fake. Every letter could be a fake.

OK, SAW, two guys beating off in a hotel room? Sounds pretty gay to me. I mean, if a woman offered to help me out with my solo hotel room routine — mostly blogging and watching MSNBC, I'm sad to report — I'd take a pass, as that scene would be entirely too straight for me to get aroused.

Now, it's possible that your enjoyment of exhibitionism is so pure that the gender of the person or persons involved is irrelevant. That's not the case with my kinks, SAW, nor does it appear to be the case with your new spank buddy. And considering your friend's kink (punishment) and his faith (Catholic), I'm thinkin' the odds that your buddy has a few forbidden desires — perhaps gay ones — that led to his erotic obsession with being punished seem ... oh, I dunno ... kinda high. It may not have been gay for you, but it was gay for him.

As for whether what went down in that hotel room constitutes cheating, SAW, you're asking the wrong person. Show your wife the pictures and ask her.

I usually love your advice and first wanna say thanks for supporting the monogamish. I'm one of the many who is happier with a little freedom — and the occasional threesome or foursome — but who also values ground rules, respect, and honesty. Bummer some guys seem to think deceit is the only way to play. So thanks for so many years of great advice. But ... WOW!

Sometimes you really show your limits as a gay man. Someone writes to you about having sex with his girl during her period and what to do about the bloody sheets they're going to leave behind in their hotel room (CL, March 21), and you don't even mention the Instead Softcup! No woman has to bloody sheets or towels — or her man or her lady or her toys — just by sticking a cup up there!

Maybe I should go easy on you, Dan, because most ladies are unaware of this awesome option. (Most ladies aren't sex columnists, however!) It tucks up inside, it works for 12 hours, and you can't feel it when you have sex. (My man is hung, and we actively tried all sorts of angles, speeds, pressure, etc., and he can't tell it's in there.) Put one in and you don't get messy! And ladies? Don't tell me you're squeamish about sticking your fingers up there. Get freakin' comfortable with your own damn bodies already!

Stainless In San Francisco

Sometimes my readers learn from me, SISF, sometimes I learn from my readers. This is one of the latter times. Ladies who want to learn more about the Instead Softcup can go to the website: Thanks for sharing, SISF!

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