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Shocking e-stim pads 

I have recently been toying with the idea of doing electro stuff, but I'm worried that it could get ugly. Suppose you have a battery-powered vibrator in your ass and two of those electricity-conducting e-stim pads on either ass cheek. I have horrible mental images of the vibrator exploding in my ass. Am I being completely irrational?

The Electric Company

"He has nothing to worry about," says David, the mad genius behind SexTek, which makes and markets erotic e-stim gear, and my go-to guy for all e-stim questions. "The electrical bits in the vibrator won't be bothered in the slightest by the e-stim currents flowing nearby, and the vibrator won't interfere with the e-stim. Assuming your device is made for use on the human body, the low power currents involved only stimulate nearby nerves and muscles. The vibrator won't be bothered at all. But make sure you're using a proper commercial e-stim device and read the manual. Most electrosex injuries occur when someone uses the wrong equipment or improvises."

Yeah, yeah: The guy who sells commercial e-stim products is telling TEC to buy a commercial e-stim product. Anyone who thinks David is wrong -- anyone who thinks exploring e-stim without first purchasing equipment designed to be used for e-stim play -- is welcome to stick the frayed end of an extension cord up his butt and then report back to us about how that worked out for him. The e-stim-curious with sense, however, will take David's advice and check out the products available at and those made by other e-stim companies.

I am a 24-year-old female. I've been in a relationship with a man for six years, on and off. I love him and think I could spend my life with him. But I have a hard time being faithful. I have cheated on him with other men and with women. We say that we are going to be together some day, but he has no trust in me. I would love to be content, but I can't seem to go very long before I get distracted. Please give me some insight!

Don't Wanna Be A Heartbreaker

"Toward the end of Sex at Dawn," says Christopher Ryan, co-author (with Cacilda Jethá) of Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, "there's a brief section called 'Everybody Out of the Closet.' We argue that it's not just gay people who have to go through the sort of brutally honest self-exploration involved in coming out. We all need to go through this process -- and the sooner the better."

And here's what you need to come out about, DWBAH: You're never going to be happy in a monogamous relationship.

"It's time to stop bullshitting yourself," says Ryan. "Before getting into any sort of committed relationship, you owe it to yourself and to the other person to be honest about who you are, and for now at least, you're clearly not sexually monogamous. The best way to not be a heartbreaker is to be honest about your own feelings.

"And if you'll pardon just a few words of old-guy wisdom while Dan shares his amazing platform," Ryan continues, "many people your age (including yours truly, way back when disco was king) misunderstand the odds of finding love in life. Few young people really appreciate that by being open about who you really are, you end up wasting much less time on relationships that are doomed from the start. In the long run, it's much more efficient to fess up about who you are and what you're really into from the get-go."

Who are you, DWBAH? You're a slut. (I mean that in the sex-positive sense! I'm a slut, too!) And what are you really into? Variety. And don't feel bad: You didn't fail monogamy, DWBAH, monogamy failed you -- as it has failed so many others (Clinton, Edwards, Spitzer, Vitter, Ensign, et al.), and will continue to, because monogamy is unrealistic and -- this is not a word I toss around lightly -- unnatural.

"Maybe half of the people you're interested in will walk away when you fess up," says Ryan. "Let them walk! Those who don't walk away are a much better investment of your time and energy -- both of which are more limited than you can possibly realize at age 24."

For more about Sex at Dawn, and how to order it, go to

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