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Short and sweet 

Dan's snappy answers to various questions

I am a 21-year-old gay male. For the past six months, I have been having an affair with a man in his mid-40s. After our first hookup, he told me he was married and had three children. I was shocked at this. However, we continued to meet up for sex. I have come to the conclusion that I am fine with this man keeping me a secret. I have fallen for him and he has fallen for me, but I have no desire to break up his family. His wife was his high-school sweetheart, and he says she is his best friend. He also tells me that if I were to quit our sexcapades, which happen to be the best sex I have ever had, he would find another man, or other men, because he is attracted to men. We hook up every week in discreet locations where he would never get caught. I don't plan on telling anyone. I am torn, because we both acknowledge that, if the situation were different, we would make excellent life partners. I am deeply in love with this guy and want more out of our relationship, however I do respect him and would never out him. I just want to know if I should continue our relationship.

His Secret Love


I was reading a letter in your archives from a woman who didn't have much libido. I was disappointed that you didn't mention that decreased libido is a common side effect of almost every form of hormonal birth control. The first thing a woman with low libido should do, if she's been on the same pill for years, is to switch methods. I would love it if you'd mention this in your column.

Spread The Word

Done and done.

My current boyfriend lets me blow him but refuses to go down on me. I miss oral sex!

Missing Oral Undulations That Hornify

If he won't eat your pussy, MOUTH, make him suck your cock.

I've been with my husband for two years and married for one. We eloped in June of last year and didn't have any sort of honeymoon. Instead, about a month later, my husband went on an overseas trip with an old college friend. "Bill" is poor and my husband is well-off, so my husband paid Bill's way. I joked at the time about how my husband was going on his honeymoon with Bill. Fast-forward to last week: My husband tells me he is going to a conference in Europe and meeting Bill there. I thought, OK, no big deal. Well, the day my husband was leaving, I found out that he was spending the first four days with Bill, Bill's fiancée, and Bill's sister just hanging out, and that the actual conference didn't start until the end of the week. I didn't say anything before he left, because I was so caught off guard. Today I went to a therapist who, after hearing all this, asked me if I thought my husband was gay.

We only have sex once a week, because I've forced him to make it an appointment with me. He does not have a sex drive at all: nothing, nada. So my question is, should I dump the therapist or is she on to something? My husband comes back from his trip on Sunday and I'm dying inside. Help!

Really Uncertain

Do you really want to stay married to a man who makes you feel this way, even if he is straight?

What is your favorite kink? What fucked-up thing does Dan Savage get up to?

Nosy Reader

My kinks aren't interesting, NR, and my marriage vows specifically forbid me from disclosing that sort of information.

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