November 23, 2005 News & Views » Cover

Pin It
Submit to Reddit
Email
Favorite

Sloppy Seconds 

When in Rome, or anywhere. . .

click to enlarge cover3-1.jpg

If you want to be a true glutton (we're not saying it's a good thing, we're just saying . . .) at some point you'll want to keep on eating even if you're so full you can't breathe and that last slice of pie is rubbing against your uvula.

One way to solve your problem is to take a page out of the ancient Romans' book of etiquette and throw up, then start chowing down again. Sounds gross, but it comes with the territory when you're a glutton.

Here's how you do it. If you're really full after the big Thanksgiving binge and you haven't waited around too long, it shouldn't take much effort to bring it all back home. Here's a handy cut-and-save, step-by-step list of things to do.

Proper Deliberate Vomiting Technique

1. Go to the bathroom.

2. Drink a cup of water (if you can).

3. Lift the toilet seat.

4. Kneel in front of the porcelain altar on one knee (so you can get up quickly if you need to).

5. Stick your middle and index finger down your throat until your gag reflex kicks in. You probably won't throw up right away, so repeat as necessary until the first "lunge," as purging connoisseurs call it.

6. After that, the rest should come up with a few more tries. You shouldn't have to gag yourself anymore, but if all that turkey and dressing is being uncooperative, you may have to.

7. When you've cleared out enough room for the next course, be sure to flush and clean up around the bowl if needed.

8. Rinse out your mouth a couple of times.

9. A little moisturizer on your hands can help mask the smell, and if there's an air freshener available, use it.

That's your best-case scenario. If for some reason -- like a concern for your health or some other such silly thing -- you've waited an hour or more before deciding you've just got to have more food, you can take an emetic (something that will make you throw up).

There are two types of emetics, central and gastric. Central emetics work on the vomiting center in your brain (that must be a pleasant place, huh?) and include substances such as apomorphine, senega (also called Seneca snakeroot) and squill, the bulb of a lily-like plant called sea squill. The problem with central emetics is that they take a while to work, so if you're in a hurry to hurl, you might want to move on to the gastric emetics, which work directly on the stomach itself.

The most common gastric emetic is syrup of ipecac, which can be bought at drugstores; some professional gluttons are known to carry a small flask of ipecac at all times, just in case. Other emetics that'll do the trick include zinc sulphate, alum, ammonium carbonate and a mix of dry mustard and warm water.

Before taking the emetic, be sure the bathroom is unoccupied (especially if you take ipecac, which will have you barfing before you can say "I'd like seconds"). In fact, why not take the emetic once you're already in the bathroom? It'll save some steps and may help avoid an embarrassing accident. After swallowing the ipecac or whatever, begin the process outlined above in "Proper Deliberate Vomiting Technique."

That's all there is to it. After washing up a bit, you'll feel relieved and ready to walk back into the dining room for another full go-round. Now that's something to be thankful for.

More Cover »

Pin It
Submit to Reddit
Email
Favorite

Latest in Cover

Calendar

More »

Search Events

all events
concerts
restaurants
movie times

Most Popular
Most Shared
Most Commented

© 2019 Womack Digital, LLC
Powered by Foundation