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Swingers don't swing 

Couple isn't obligated to play with others

The wife and I regularly attend a straight sex club here in Texas. There's another couple who comes to the parties. They're very attractive. They get naked, they have sex with each other, but they don't play with others. Basically, they hang out with swingers, but they don't swing themselves. We think that amounts to prick- and twat-tease behavior on their parts. Do we have a legit beef?

Husband And Wife Together

No, HAWT, you don't.

The website for the sex club you attend emphasizes more than once that couples who attend are not obligated to swing or play with others. It would be unfair to extend an invite like that and then slap a "prick- and twat-tease" label on a couple who comes and doesn't play with others.

And just because this couple isn't swinging today, doesn't mean they won't be swinging someday. Perhaps after they see that swingers really do respect their limits — once they've seen that they're not going to be pressured into doing anything they're not ready to do — they'll become comfortable enough to start playing with others. Glaring at them from across the room, HAWT, will only serve to delay the arrival of that happy day.

Speaking of sex clubs: Recently, the Portland Press Herald reported about the closure of a club in Sanford, Maine, where opposite-sex-attracted adults were having opposite-sex sex in a building that was — THINK OF THE CHILDREN — kinda close to a public library that wasn't open when opposite-sex-attracted adults were gathering to indulge their sick opposite-sex desires. But, you know, still! Adults were having sex in a place that was kinda close to a place where children who don't have access to the Internet at home sometimes go to "read"!

The owners of the club didn't have a permit to operate an adult business in Sanford, and they're not going to get one, because Sanford doesn't issue permits for adult businesses, which means one more small business has been destroyed by burdensome government regulation. (Where are the teabaggers when we need 'em?)

Anyway, this quote from the police spokesperson in the Herald's report jumped out at me: "The officers were appalled at the number and variety of sexual acts being performed — and one of the officers has worked vice crimes — right out in the open where everybody was sitting." My goodness! Opposite-sex-attracted adults were having opposite-sex sex in front of, gee, other opposite-sex-attracted adults who paid to get in and wanted to watch. But at least the children of Sanford are safe from the adult sex parties that they couldn't attend and didn't know were going on until the details were splashed all over the front pages of a daily newspaper that's available for their perusal in the public library where they go to look at porn on the Internet.

Good work, everybody!

My girlfriend of four years cheated on me. I'm in college now; we've been dating since high school. She and a male friend hooked up four times when they were both drunk. This guy was supposed to be her best friend, and it turns out he was into her. I asked her once about their relationship, and she assured me that nothing had or ever would happen between them. That was a few weeks after she cheated on me. She rationalizes the events in a manner that makes her seem like she's not to blame and she constantly tells me how much she really loves me. Do I hook up with another girl and tell her about it?

Cucked Over College Kid

No, COCK, you don't hook up with another girl. You ask yourself this question: How many adults — people over 30 — do you know who are still with and/or married to their high-school sweethearts? The answer is either zero or approaching zero. A breakup was inevitable-ish all along, and now seems like a pretty good time to pull the plug. And while your girlfriend is telling you she loves you, and while she may still have feelings for you, she's slamming her hand down on the self-destruct button because — consciously or not — she wants out, too.

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