Top Down Police responded to a CookOut near UNC Charlotte after a woman refused to move ahead in the drive-thru line, which if you've ever been hungry in a CookOut line you know means something is terribly wrong. When officers arrived they found the woman passed out in her car wearing only a bikini. Officers noticed the car was still running and in drive, so they carefully put it in park and turned it off before waking her up. She soon admitted that she drank some beer, which had already become obvious long before she even realized she was getting the attention she didn't actually crave.
Aloha A 25-year-old woman in southwest Charlotte learned last week that forgiveness is not always all it's cracked up to be. The woman told police that the first signs of trouble came when a man she had never met before pointed a gun at her. Usually, this would be the end of a budding relationship, but not for this woman. She told police she then had a friendly conversation with the man, and later decided to get into his car and take a ride to the store with him. The man asked her to buy him a drink (no gun involved in this request) and she said she would, then went into the store to do so, but left her purse. When she came out — surprise! — the man had left with her purse, which she later described in the report as saying "You had me at Aloha" on it. More like, "You had at me at gunpoint."
Hulk Smash Police responded to one of the 5,000 pools in the Highland Creek neighborhood after someone decided getting wet in the actual swimming area wasn't enough for them. Police found that some unknown suspect had actually ripped the entire sink from the wall in one of the bathrooms of the pool, doing $200 worth of damage. In an unrelated incident, a 75-year-old woman in northwest Charlotte filed a police report after someone made off with a solid concrete elephant that she had sitting on top of her mailbox.
Low Bar An employee working the graveyard shift at a 7-Eleven on Brookshire Boulevard in west Charlotte found herself looking down the barrel of the gun at around 1 a.m. last week, but had to be upset to know exactly what she almost died for. According to the report, the gunman made off with just $18 and a 40-ounce bottle of the worst beer imaginable, Natural Ice.
Giving Thanks A 19-year-old man in Uptown called police after an unwelcome guest to his family dinner ruined his night. The man told police that he was sitting outside of an Uptown restaurant eating dinner with his family when a man he had never seen before sat down with the fam and began a conversation. After a short and surely awkward conversation, the suspect stood up, snatched a $100 gold chain from the victim's neck and ran off down the street.
Blow A woman snitched on her own son last weekend after making a startling discovery while cleaning her southwest Charlotte home last week. The woman called police to her home and handed them a small bag of crystal white substance and another small bag of white powder, both of which she said she found in her son's room.
Good Parenting Police responded to a school bus stop in southeast Charlotte last week after a 13-year-old girl was assaulted by another juvenile. Further investigation found that the juvenile suspect attacked the girl on orders from a parent who was there to witness the incident.