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Bizarre crimes from the Tampa police report

SWALLOW THE EVIDENCE: A man purchased items at Wal-Mart with a counterfeit 100 dollar bill a few months ago. His lady friend, who worked at Belk, exchanged fake 100s with real ones at her store on three documented occasions. Police officers caught on to the couple and showed up one day to search the man's home. They found a safe in his closet and asked the man to open it. He pulled out two fake Franklins and a fake Jackson. The police asked him to hand the counterfeit cash over. Instead, he stuffed the bills into his mouth and took off for the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, with the money still in his mouth, he ripped the metal banister from the stairway (like the Incredible Hulk), and threw it at the officers. The officers finally caught up with him, at which point he swallowed the money. Other than fraud, the man was charged with resisting arrest, as he attempted to bite the officers.

I'M CALLING YOUR PARENTS: After a break-up, a woman was packing her stuff from her former lover's house. She started an argument with him, so he called her father. The father asked to speak to his daughter. The man handed his phone over to her, and she took the phone and threw it back at him. The phone broke when it hit the ground. Then the woman took the cash out of the man's wallet and left.

YOU MAKE THE DIAGNOSIS: A homeless man entered an Albemarle Wachovia branch with a handwritten note. It read: "You have 18 seconds to give me my $600 or I am going to die. This is a bank robbery." The robber then said, "This is no joke, I need to go to jail. This is the only way, or I will die. Call the police." He added that something bad would happen if he did not get the cash. The bank teller forked over the $600. Before leaving the bank, the man handed her his license presumably to help the police find him. The man got his wish. He is now serving a lengthy jail sentence for the federal offense.

THREAT OF THE WEEK: A 31-year-old woman reported the following threat was made to her by a man. He said: "I don't care about that paper, I'm gonna get you."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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