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The Blotter 

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police reports

Marmot Mathematics: A ferret owner let another person borrow his ferret cage, but when he asked for it back, the woman refused to return it. The victim discovered the ferret cage borrower had given the cage to a third, unrelated ferret owner. Lost in all this business is the homeless ferrets caught in between.

Dil-WorthLess: A Dilworth woman reported that sometime between 9 p.m. and 7 a.m., while she was sleeping, an unknown victim cut her eyebrow.

Forgiveness Please: A man called the police to report an apology. After receiving 40 annoying calls at his workplace over the course of two weeks, the man got a call of a different nature from the perpetrator. The caller said: "That was me playing on the phone. I know it was stupid and dumb. I'm sorry that I called you. I'm not gonna call your phone anymore."

Duh Award of The Week: A woman reported that a gentleman ruined her coat by pouring grease all over it. She says he did this because he was mad at her.

Eight Threats in One: Upset that his old lady friend would no longer have relations with him, a man made the following statements (Follow the conversational arc with his threats): "I'm calling the police because I think you are on drugs; I'm taking the kids; Oh you think you're gonna kill me?; You have no idea who you're dealing with: I'll call people and threaten them; They have no idea; I'll kill the guy." Then he kept repeating, "You think you can kill me." The woman advises she never threatened to kill the man and doesn't know why he's saying it.

To the Left: A woman told her man to pack up his belongings. He responded: "When I see you around, I'm going to shoot you in the knee. You keep messin' with me if you want to."

Threat of the Week: A woman reported that her cable guy delivered a threat to her after they got in an argument. While still in her house he said, "Don't forget, I know where you live." The woman believes the threat is credible as the cable guy was acting very erratic.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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