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The Blotter 

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

THOU SHALT NOT: Someone stole an alligator-shaped teeter-totter from the Good Shepherd Presbyterian Church. Across town, a woman reported her little shiny, red purse was stolen from a pew while she was up front singing at Nations Ford Community Church.

EVEN LOWER THAN STEALING AT CHURCH: Someone drove off from the Urban Ministry Center with all of one homeless man's belongings. The suspect took all the guy's clothing, his Social Security card, high school diploma, birth certificate and copy of police background check.

AH, SIBLING RIVALRY: An 18-year-old woman got into an argument with her brother over who was going to take a shower first. The brother hit the sister several times in the face and on the body. Then the mother joined in, choking her daughter. The daughter fled to her boyfriend's apartment.

YOU CALLED THE COPS FOR THIS?: You know that's what this officer had to be thinking when writing this report: "I responded to the above address in reference to an assault. The (reporting person) stated that the listed suspect touched her buttocks while they were hugging."

BLAME IT ON THE FAT GIRL: A woman told police her neighbor stole a green couch cover from her clothesline. She knocked on the neighbor's door, and she saw the neighbor inside wrapped up in the couch cover. The neighbor would only say, "I don't know," and "That big girl over there took my clothes off the line." The neighbor offered to wash the couch cover and give it back. It wasn't the first time this woman's clothing was stolen off the clothesline.

HACKNEYED THREATS 101: A man reported he received three threatening phone calls from an unknown person. "Are you white, you motherfucker?" The man asked who the caller was. "It's your mama." The caller said, "I'm going to cut your throat, you motherfucker," and "I'm going to kill you, you motherfucker." The calls were made from a private number.

KINDA LIKE THAT NELLY VIDEO: The threat of the week comes courtesy of a man who told someone, "If you don't have my money, I'm going to come over there and take it out of your ass. If I can't find you, I might just get my money out of your truck."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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