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The Blotter 

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files

HAND SIGNALS: A man standing in a downtown parking lot unzipped his pants and began masturbating between cars as a woman was getting into her car nearby. The suspect got near the front of the car and continued masturbating. He was last seen walking toward South Tryon Street.

AUTO AFFRAY: A customer at an auto parts store and an employee argued when the customer returned an item he had purchased earlier. After leaving angrily, the customer came back to the store, slugged the employee in the face and walked out.

THIS BED WAS JUST RIGHT: A person entered a woman's apartment without permission and fell asleep in the victim's bed.

WHO NEEDS THE TEAMSTERS: Upset that her mom had been fired from a gas station, a woman threatened another woman with bodily injury. Hope the mother doesn't need her daughter -- or her former employer -- as a reference.

SNACKING WHILE INTOXICATED: Going to McDonald's while drunk? Happens to a lot of people. At 8 a.m.? Not so common. Going to a MickeyD's inside a Wal-Mart that you've been banned from and dropping a $600 pretzel machine to the floor early on a Friday morning? Really uncommon.

EX-EMPLOYEE-OF-THE-MONTH: A woman called another woman five times within a few days and threatened her because she didn't receive her last paycheck. "I'm gonna use my .45 to shoot you!" she said. Where was she calling? A preschool.

GOOD FENCES ... : ... Really do make good neighbors, especially when your neighbor is pulling up your plants by the roots and is cutting up others. But then, this neighbor probably isn't a big Robert Frost fan.

BREAKING THE LAW: Breaking the law ... (insert Beavis and Butthead impression). A man reported someone damaged his yard. The man told police it looked as if the $300 damage resulted from someone driving a four-wheeler in circles on his lawn.

THREAT BY TAXI: A man grew angry when his wife refused to pick him up at 2 a.m., so he tried to coax her in an unsurprisingly ineffective way. "I'll take a cab and when I get back, I'll kill you!" he said.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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